truth

life happens

(Shane)

Safe to say, the rest of the night was... Awkward. Rory deffinately had some bad feelings about me and charlie actually doing any thing more than flirting and cuddling. His eyes went dark and he looked pissed to saythe least, screaming like we were having sex. But his opinion stopped mattering the moment he left.

Around three this morning, he said he had to leave for some presumably bullshit reason.

He said his mom was wondering if he was planning on coming home... Wow. A grown ass man. Okay, I know I can't judge, but why the hell is he any better for her than me? Who does he think he is?

And after that? We snuggled until things got heated and... She and I resumed our previous activities.

Obviously we didn't go "all the way," but she is actually becoming more comfortable. She trusts me. Her scars slowly becoming less important... They have less of a hold on her.

And the reason she has them? Slipping even faster. She gave herself scars to fill the void, prove she had control, release stress, and convince herself she was what James said she was. Nothing.

Now she doesn't give a damn what he thinks. And I'm proud of her.
Last night we got to second base, not far for most people, but for her that's amazingly far. Incredibly trusting. Just perfect.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not the easiest person to... Stop. Waving a treat in front of a lion like that is dangerous, and she knew I was frustrated.

Not that I hid it very well. I mean, I'm a difficult guy to be with, I'm moody. But that goes for everything. So getting me reved up and then stopping me drives me insane. And not the "hot" kind. Like I can get pissed if I'm not careful.

Last night I got frustrated, and I scared her... She started shaking she was so afraid of me. And that's when I remembered who she was. A hurt and scared woman who wanted to keep me happy, but not at the cost of her innocence. Not until she was ready.

Safe to say I apologized and cuddled her until she chilled out. And as soon as she stopped shaking, I kissed her softly, taking it slow. Not trying to be an ass. I was careful with her, not lustful, but loving.

And soon she fell asleep in my arms.
Looking at her as she sleeps, I see her beautiful nature... Her pain and frustration, calmed by dreams of better places. Her escape.

Brett is leaving tomorrow morning, so we have to get ready for a "goodbye celebration day," but I can't bring myself to wake her up.

I'll shower and get ready, and when she wakes up she can shower while I make her breakfast.

I got up as quietly as possible, hardly moving the bed, or making a sound.

She stirred lightly, murmuring before quieting, completely oblivious to the fact that she was being watched... Now I feel super creepy.

I ran to the shower, ready to finally feel clean after last night's binge drinking.

The water is freezing balls. Like I could practically see my damn breath. It feels like death's stealy cold hand has smacked my face and the cold is echoing through my chest, exhausting me.

That's when I heard the door open.
##############################
(Charlie)

I'm running away from everything. I can't see what's chasing me, but a feeling of dread slowly creeps into my chest, pushing me down. My legs burn, and I can't scream. Something's wrong, and I can't find safety. I can't keep running. I just can't keep trying to save myself.

I jump into the water, trying to swim... That's when I sink... I can't fight it. I try as hard as I can to swim to the surface. I'm almost there. I can practically taste the fresh air diving into my lungs. I can almost feel the cold rush of breath sneak into my mouth, replacing the water.

My fingertips almost graze the surface. I can feel freedom.
And then someone grabs my feet... James. No matter how hard I fight, I can't get him to let go.
My world goes dark. I'm almost gone.

I woke up in a sweat, panting and gasping for a breath I've been holding in my sleep. I reach over to the other side of the bed, smacking the cold sheet...

I remembered last night, and shook. I showed him how weak I was... I trembled like an abused animal, and fought tears I refused to shed, and he didn't run... He took care of me. He hugged and cuddled with me, humming "Roxanne" to me until I was calm. And then he gave me the perfect kiss... Not the kind that leads to sex or even making out. The kind that makes your toes tingle and makes your chest warn, bringing the butterflies into your tummy. It was just like the first time, but softer.

I finally understand how much he loves me... He's not going anywhere.

I hear the shower running and get up, walking in. Without thinking, I slowly take my shirt and pants off, standing in only my bra and underwear.

I climb in, making him jump, and smile. I can feel his eyes rake over my body, giving me a rush. He doesn't look with lust, but with love. With care.

"Baby, you okay?" he mumbles, keeping his back turned to hide himself.

I can tell he's blushing, bashful as hell. But I'm not. I trust him. He just has to trust me.

"just fine, babe." I mumble, walking over to kiss him.
He presses his lips to mine, making me smile. This was perfect... Almost.