truth

Never Leaving

(Brett)

I needed to get out of this damn hospital room... I needed air... I needed a cigarette... Or a drink.

I got a call yesterday morning, about an hour after Shane's last text, and to say I was relieved was an understatement... That was, until I heard the sirens blaring through my phone, shocking me instantly.

My stomach dropped, my heart racing to catch up to my mind, already running, trying to think of all of the scenarios which could explain the sirens shrill screams.

Time stood still as I listened to the man at the other end, repeating my name over, and over again.

"Brett? Is this Brett Williams?" he yelled, trying to over power the noise that surrounded the world I couldn't understand, running at the speed of light at the other end of the phone.

"Yes. Who is this? Is everything okay? Where's my sister? What the hell is going on?" I panicked, my brain running too fast for my mouth to speak my burning questions.

"Sir, Charlie has been in an accident. Her um... "friend" Shane had been driving, and they-" he kept speaking, but I couldn't be bothered to listen to his incessant voice.

I was to busy listening to the voices in my head screaming the possible problems, while my girlfriend, Stacy, yelled into my ear, panic finding her just as quickly.

Finally, I tuned back in, and the world moved at neck breaking speed, making up for the slow crawl it had been at before.

I still don't remember what he said after, or how I drove here. I hardly remember the walk to her room. What I do remember was the tears streaming down her face as the doctors told her...

"I'm very sorry for your loss. We did everything we could." the doctor mumbled, confirming my theory of what had happened.

She looked up at me, crying to no end.
But her eyes caught me... There was something missing in her beautiful eyes... Life.

Her skin was a rainbow of blues, yellows, blacks, and reds, her bruises randomly placed along her arms, neck, face, legs, and stomach. She resembled a finger painting done by a child.

As I got closer, I could still smell the fuel on her, stronger than I thought possible. That wasn't the only smell in the room, though... I could smell shane on the sweatshirt she wore... I couldn't believe he was gone.

"I... I didn't mean too... I just-" she stopped, staring out the window in silence as her body shook, her breathing shaky and slow.

"I miss him already." she mumbled finally, getting up and limping to me.
I grabbed her in my arms, trying to block out the heart wrenching sound of her sobs erupting from somewhere she never showed to anyone.

She forgot how to play it off, pretend she was fine. She didn't push me away, or hide her tears. She just pulled me in closer, like she had when we were younger, hiding from the shadows that danced across the walls at night.

Her spirit was missing, her courage and pride torn to shredds. The only thing left was her tears, and the memories of a man, now gone. The memories that would haunt her, to no end.

Finally she looked up, covered in dirt, and her face soaked with tears. She looked me in the eye, seeming like the little girl I knew who was afraid of monsters... Only this time, she knew they weren't under the bed. They were inside.

If only I had looked a little closer, I might have seen it coming... I might have seen what she would do.

I only left for five minutes... Five minutes to have a smoke, and talk to her doctor. I left her alone. I should have been there to protect her from this... From herself.

I walked in to see her, sitting on the floor, looking blanky at the wall as her blood trickled out, like a leaky faucet. It slid down her wrists, the blade thrown against the wall. You could see where it hit, a clear line of blood still left on the wall.

She kept her eyes on the wall, even as I ran in and held her, screaming for a nurse. She'd lost all of her ambition, her need to live.

This wasn't her end... I wouldn't let it be.