Before The Fame

Chapter 32

Amarina's P.O.V
I slowly open my eyes and see a white room. "Oh thank god!" I hear my dad yell. "W-why am I here?" I whisper and my other dad takes my hand and rubs it. "Well sweetie Ryan came home and found you trying to hang yourself. Thank god he got there just in time other wise you'd be.....gone." He says and then everything clicks. I remember the reason why I did it. "T-this isn't how it's supposed to be." I say sitting up in the hospital bed. "Honey yes it is. Your supposed to be here."
"No I'm not!" I cry.

"I'm supposed to be dead right now. Everyone is supposed to be happy. I'm supposed to be in a better place. I'm supposed to be happy!" I yell and my dads look stunned.

"Amarina. Your not supposed to be dead right now."

"Yes I am." I say with tears staining my cheeks.

"Sweetie w-"

"No!" I scream and a nurse comes running in.
My dads are totally taken back from all of this. They never knew about my first attempt. They never knew about the scars on my arm. They never knew that I wasn't happy. "Is everything okay?" She asks and my dads just sit there. "No, I'm supposed to be dead. Not here! I'm supposed to be happy along with everyone else!" I yell and the nurse just walk over to me.
"Amarina who told you that it would?"

"Multiple kids and myself." I sniffle trying to calm down.

"Sweetie we have some medicine for you. We're also going to have to keep you here for a few days. Okay?"

"It's not okay." I whisper.

"Just sit tight and I'm going to go get the medicine." She runs off.
I lay back and take my hand out of my dad's. There is silent in the room. "Michael called you. Along with Luke, Calum and Ashton. Do you want tk talk to them?" My dad asks and I shake my head no. "Can I call them?" He asks me and I nod my head in response. My dad takes my phone out of a backpack that he brought. "C-can y-you put it on s-speaker?" I stutter and my dad says 'yes'. It rings once then he picks up.
"Oh my god Am your okay. Oh god babe I was so worried. I-"

"Michael it's Amarina's dad Alex."

"W-what?"

"Ya, but Amarina is alright. At least we think. She's crying right now since she's not in a better place she said."

"Can I talk to her?"

"Sweetie?"
I nod and gulp waitifor what's about to happen. I take the phone from my dad turn off speaker phone, and bring it to my ear. "Baby?" He asks me. "Y-ya Mikey?" I sniff.
"D-did you-"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because Michael I'm not happy. I never was. Everyone at school hates me and I have a black eye. I have been beaten senseless by kids. I have gotten eggs, rocks and pencils thrown at me. I got water dumped on my head. If I even try to stick up for myself it gets worse. They tell me every day to kill myself. I should've done it that one day. Then I would be happy, then everyone would be." I cry and my dad rubs my back while the other sits on the bed.

"Am there are so many people that care about you. Your dads, me, the boys, and our families. Just imagine in maybe five or six years time. We'll be married hopefully. We'll have little tiny you and me running around. The band will get bigger. You'll have your dream job. Your dads will be proud. I'll be proud and the boys will be proud. Just think of all the things you could've missed if your dad didn't get there in time."
By this point I'm sobbing. I'm not sure how he did it, but he made me happy. He made my heart feel like it's beating again. "How do you know that'll happen in six years?" I ask wiping my tears. "Hope. That's how I know. You just have to promise me that you'll have hope." I feel like I can see the tears streaming down his face. "I have hope. I promise." I say as a tear slides down my cheek. I can already tell that he's smiling right now. "The boys want to talk to you too." He sniffs. Just as he says that the nurse walks in. "Hold on the nurse is here with some stuff I need to take. Just hold on." The nurse hands me two pills and a glass of water. I give my phone to my dad and take them. Once I've taken them I take a breath.
"Dad did you bring my laptop?"

"Um....no. Why?"

"I was going to Skype them so I could see them."

"Well here's the phone. Just hold on okay."
I nod as I take my phone. My dad runs out of the room as soon as I take it. "Alright sorry." I apologize and he says it's fine. "Alright I'm going to put you on speaker phone." Michael says.
"Hey Am." They all say in unison.

"Hey guys."

"Are you okay? Michael told us what happened yesterday. We all tried calling you last night, but ya." Ashton says.

"I'm fine I guess. I was upset when I woke up because I wasn't in a better place."

"Well we hope that you okay now. We heard the conversation with Michael. So we got the jist of it." Luke says.

"I just really want to see you guys, but my dad didn't bring my laptop." I sigh.

"Well um.....hold on for just a second." Calum says.
None of them say anything and all I can hear is footsteps through the phone. I play with the hospital blanket as I wait. "Amarina you have visitors." My dad says and I look up and see the boys. "Hi." The all say not in unison. I hang up the phone and set it down on the bed. My best friends are here and I'm happy. Completely happy. I haven't been this happy in forever. "Aren't you guys supposed to be on tour?" I cry tears of joy from this. "We have a week break. Then we go back. So we decided to come here to see our families and you." Luke says. "We would've surprised you yesterday, but this happened." Calum says looking not his happy self. My dads have left the room to leave the boys and I. More tears spill from my eyes.
"Please don't cry." Michael pleads.

"We don't want you to be sad." Ashton says sitting on the bed.

"I'm not sad. I'm just so happy your here." With those words the boys all hug me one by one.
I tell the boys all the truth about what happened here while they were gone. From the day they left to yesterday. By the time I'm done I have a few stray tears, but I quickly wipe them away. My dads walk in and with a tray of food. "We brought you food missy moo." My dad says and I sit up more in my bed. You have no idea how hungry I am. My dad sets the tray down on my lap. There's a sandwich and a thing of mixed fruit.
"We're just happy that your okay." Michael says.

"The doctor said that she will be. They just need to keep her here for a few days. Just so then they can keep an eye on her and see if she needs medication. Which seems to be helping." My dad says as I eat.

"What do you mean put me on medication? Why would I need medication?"

"Depression medication."

"Is that what the nurse gave me?"

"Yes."

"Well then it's working because I feel happier than I was." I say eating more of my food.
The rest of the day kinda just goes by. The boys had to leave because of family plans and my dads went home to sleep. They said they would be back tomorrow to see how I would be doing. My dads said they'll be back in the morning. I watch the small TV, but the nurse comes in and turns it off. "You need to sleep." She says and hands me the same two pills as this afternoon. "What are these for?" I ask out of curiosity. "One is for anxiety the other is for depression." She says handing me the water. I nod and take them.
"Alright goodnight."

"Night." I say as she closes the door.
I slowly drift off to sleep in a matter of a few minutes.

She's alive so you can't be upset with me. This is kinda cheesy, but I thought it was different. I liked this one. I was going to end it, but I thought that it would've been cruel to do that. Anyways I hope you guys are happy. So love you guys. I may update tomorrow depending on how busy I am. Love you xx