I Love You, It's Ruining My Life | Lovertation Taylor Swift Fanfic |

Chapter 12

🩷Lover🩷
We left the house at 8, getting to school 5 minutes before the bell rang. The whole car ride was dead silent. Neither of us said a word.

It was the same during first hour. We participated in class, but we didn't look at each other once. We would normally be laughing and messing around, whispering stupid comments in each others ear. But not today. We had been avoiding talking, and the reason wasn't even clear. I wasn't bothered by anything, but it was obvious that she felt weird about it, so her weird vibes gave me weird vibes. I think her reasoning for not talking to me was just because if we talked, and the possibility that I had been awake was true, she was scared I would bring it up.

After the bell rang we gathered our things and walked our separate ways to our next classes. I had math next. It was a work day, but I already finished all my homework, so it was just free time for me. I sat in the back corner staring off into space, getting lost in my thoughts. Is she still gonna sit with us at lunch? I hope so. I hope she isn't weird about this forever. She'll get over it soon, right? But what if she doesn't. Knowing her, she isn't going to say anything to me first, so I have to be the one to start a conversation with her. I don't mind that, but what if she shuts me out?

As my thoughts raced, I started thinking less about what was happening now, and started thinking more deeply about what started all of this. I was younger and probably more innocent than her, but I wasn't stupid. I knew she liked seeing me half naked in front of her. And I did too.
Why else would I have undressed in front of her?

I've liked her for a while. I thought maybe if I got a little more risky, letting her see me in a bra and underwear, she'd give in and admit her crush on me, but here we are.

It'll be fine, we'll get over it soon enough. But man, the things I felt when she stared at me while I took my clothes off. The sounds she was making, I assume she was thinking about me while she did it. She was really fucking hot. I hope next time, when we're in the same room together and I'm getting undressed, I'm not taking clothes off just to change. And I hope she's the one taking them off of me.

Thinking about things that would make me horny in class was probably not smart, but I really couldn't help it. I was in the back corner, so nobody noticed when I crossed one leg over the other and started subtly squeezing and rubbing my thighs together. If she was gonna pleasure herself while thinking about me, I would do the same while thinking about her.

The only difference is I know how to do it quietly and subtly, so nobody even knows I'm doing it. Rookie mistake Rep....Maybe I'm not as innocent as I thought.

🖤Rep🖤
I couldn't focus in any of my classes. All I could do was stress out. By now, I was fairly certain that Lover knew everything. Avoiding her was making me feel even more guilty, but I couldn't help it. I couldn't say anything to her, because she knew what I did, and if she brought it up I'd be done for. She'd definitely hate me and think I'm weird.

At lunch I decided I'd still sit with them because I didn't want to upset her. I was gonna try to start up some kind of conversation. I still felt awkward, but I didn't want to start completely ignoring her, because she was the only friend I had and I didn't want to ruin that.

"Hi Rep!" 1989 greeted me.

"Hey!" I put on a fake smile to hide the awkwardness, and Lover did the same. We all started talking, but even though we tried to avoid it, me and Lovers responses with each other were very short, dry answers. I felt like I was closing in again, putting up walls and shutting everyone out. I didn't want that to happen, and I wasn't going to let it. I'd fix it later, maybe in a few days? But for now I just kept making things awkward. 1989 definitely noticed.

"What's up with you two? This tension could be cut with a knife" she joked. 

"What do you mean?" Lover questioned.

"You know what I mean. Are you guys fighting or something? You're barely talking to each other, and you don't seem as comfortable and chill as usual."

"Idk what you mean. We're fine." I said.

The last few minutes of lunch were pretty silent. Then I went to the rest of my classes and continued to think about Lover and overthink everything that was happening instead of paying attention.
I'm really worried. I hope things get better soon and we get over this. I don't want things to be this awkward over something that, although it didn't feel like it, really was not a big deal at all. 

🩷Lover🩷
I can't take this awkward silence anymore. We need to talk. Something that small was not worth ruining this friendship and comfort that we have with each other.
But what if she shuts me out and doesn't want to talk?
I can still try. It won't hurt to try.

We got home after school and sat in my room after putting our bags away.

"Hey Rep, we need to talk. Can we, please?"

A/N- ik it's another short one, i'm sorryyyy. don't worry, i have big plans for the next two chapters, so it'll be worth it. love yall, thx for all of the support🫶