I Love You, It's Ruining My Life | Lovertation Taylor Swift Fanfic |

Chapter 23

TW: Self-harm

🩷Lover🩷
Once we got home I immediately sprinted into my room and locked the door. I had one hour before my mom got home.

I'm such a fucking idiot. I'm a terrible girlfriend. I ruin everything. This is all my fault.

"Lov let me in baby, it's gonna be okay" Rep knocked on the door.

"Go away" I sobbed.

"Baby come on"

"Rep I love you and I'm sorry I just need to be alone."

"I understand. Talk to me whenever you need to."

Once I heard Rep walk away, I let out the most blood curdling scream into my pillow.

"I FUCKING RUIN EVERYTHING"

I couldn't control my crying, breathing, or shaking. I felt like I was dying. I couldn't breathe. I just screamed.

What's happening to me? Why am I shaking? Why can't I breathe? I feel like I'm dying.

Why do I make everything worse?? First I told the whole school about us, then I fought with her. Then I fought with my mom. Left the house. Because I wasn't there, Rep got raped by my brother. Now I can't contain myself and I punch someone. That's gonna cause Rep more problems. My parents. Everyone has to hate me by now. I don't deserve the love I get. I FUCKING RUIN EVERYTHING.

I looked around my room for the sharpest object I could find. Eventually I found a blade on my desk, sat on the floor, and gave myself what the fuck I deserved.

I cut myself for probably a good 30 minutes. Stabbing the blade into my skin until it bled. The whole time, I sobbed. I screamed. I shook. I hyperventilated.

"Lover let me in. What's going on?" Rep yelled when she heard the way I was screaming.

"NOTHING"

"Lover let me in right now. You need somebody. You don't deserve to be alone."

"IM FINE"

"No you aren't baby, I'm coming in"

"NO STOP DONT"

"Lover you need somebody to help you. I'm grabbing the key, be back in 10 seconds."

SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT.

I quickly raced to hide the blade in my phone case and throw a hoodie on to cover the cuts. Hopefully it doesn't bleed through.

I finished hiding the evidence just in time for Rep to walk in.

"Baby what's going on? It's okay"

"NO IT ISNT I RUIN EVERYTHING YOU DONT DESERVE ME"

"Of course I deserve you baby. Anyone would be lucky to have you. You didn't ruin anything"

"THAT ISNT TRUE REP IM THE FUCKING WORST"

"Hey, stop thinking like that. It's gonna be okay baby, I promise"