If This Ain't Love

33

September 7, 2023

I just took a shower and got dressed, now I'm bored and lonely. Maybe me and Mamas can go on a date later, she left for work at 9:30 and I'm ready for her to come home. I been thinking we should start her, her own real estate company. After snapping out of my thoughts I looked around the room seeing her journal on the nightstand, which means she wants me to read it. {Don't try to back track nowww😂 jk a lil bit🫥}

"Let's see" I mumbled to myself leaning over to grab it. I said a silent prayer before opening it seeing her pretty handwriting.

"WHAT THE FUCK" I screamed feeling hot tears streaming down my face. I should have never fucking moved away, she would have never met that nigga or been leaving the bar alone. I looked down seeing tear on the paper, after leaving a note at the top of the page I closed it and put it back. Now I feel like I have to be overly overprotective. I wiped my face and laid back taking a deep breath while staring at the ceiling.

1 Hour Later
"Wake up Love" I heard in my ear before feeling soft kisses on my face.

"Hey Mamas" I raspily mumbled pulling her closer taking all of her kisses.

"What's the matter with my Lovebug, why were you crying Baby" She asked pecking my lips while rubbing my neck.

"Baby you're so strong, I knew that already, but I don't understand how you've managed to stay so sweet after going through shit like that. I wish I never left, we would've been together years ago, and married by now" I told her as tears rolled down her cheeks. "You are a Queen Babe; MY Queen and that journal entry just gave me one more reason to never want to be without you. It didn't make me love you any less " I said wiping her face.

"I love you so so much" She softly sobbed laying her head on my chest. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, I usually just get up and clean to try to make it go away" She mumbled wiping her face.

"I love you so so so much more Mamas, it's not your fault" I told her wiping my eyes. "Why didn't you tell Landon" I asked wiping her nose with my thumb, if this ain't love I don't know what is.

"Well Landon is really protective, and I didn't want him to go to jail about me. Think about it if it happened that way, you wouldn't love me you would probably hate me. I would probably just be the bitch he went to jail for. I got a rape kit done and the guy went to jail for life, I wasn't the first or the last" She sighed staring at the wall. "Can you tell him; I don't want him to be mad at me for waiting 6 years" She mumbled looking up at me.

"I'll tell him with you present" I told her making her nod. "I'm pissed, you're not fat and you're fucking gorgeous. When we get married, I'm making sure everybody who's ever done you wrong get a video of your big dramatic wedding" I told her kissing her hand.

"OUR big dramatic wedding" She corrected moving up connecting our foreheads.

3:10 PM

"What's wrong with my sister nigga" Lando asked walking into the living room seeing me wrapped up in my blanket.

"I didn't even do nothing this time" Israel said rubbing my legs.

"What's wrong sis" Landon asked walking over moving my hair out of my face making me look up at him.

"I don't want you to be mad at me" I said looking away.

"You've been talking bad about yourself again" He asked raising his eyebrows.

"Nah, somebody else did" Israel said rubbing me.

"Just say it please, I want to get it over with" I told him while turning over laying my head on his chest.

"Yesterday Mamas woke up at 4 in the morning because she was having a nightmare. So, I decided to make her more comfortable with telling me stuff by journaling" Israel said pulling my body closer. "When I show you this please don't blow up, I don't want you to scare her" He said kissing my forehead.

"You know I don't play about my family; I'll do my best" He said standing up. I pulled the journal out of my cover and gave it to Israel. "Are these your tears Babygirl" He asked making me look at him confused. I haven't opened the book since I've been home.

"Mine" Israel said before repeatedly kissing my head.

"Hold the fuck up raped... at gun point... six years ago" He said as he continued to read and paced the floor. "Why didn't you tell me" He calmly asked.

"Because I would rather, he be in jail for life than you" I said sitting up.

"Sis, he raped you, he took your virginity without your permission with a gun to your head" He said sitting down. "You're my wife's best friend, you're my sister, and you're a woman... I'm supposed to protect you" He said putting his head in his hands. I saw a tear drop and sat up.

"I'm sorry" I said getting up rubbing his back. "How would you protect me if you went to jail? Israel wasn't here at the time, please don't be mad at me" I said getting a Kleenex to wipe his face.

"I'm not mad at you but now I understand why you wouldn't date. Where does your ex live" He asked making me look back at Israel seeing him nod.

"It's been 5 and a half years, I don't know if he still lives there, but I'll send you the address" I sighed.

"The kids are coming home tonight; Oddly Zay can feel your energy. He's been sad all day" He said pulling me into a bone crushing hug. "I love you sis and I'm beating your ex's ass" He said making me nod.

"I love you too" I told him before sitting on Israel's lap.