Pursuing from the Shore (Sun Rays Series #2)

CHAPTER 20

Chapter 20

That's it. That's already enough for the both of us.

Notwithstanding the questions racing within my head about why he didn't show up, and the gnawing dismay in me having to keep waiting for him for hours, the pang of guilt gets worse as I remember the times he endured the wait for me... far longer than I did tonight.

Kung tutuusin, wala akong karapatang magalit sa kanya kung pinaghintay niya ako rito ngayon at kung bakit hindi siya sumipot... dahil mas matagal pa siyang naghintay sa akin.

Pero hindi ko maiwasang makaramdam ng sakit. Parang pinipiga ang puso ko dahil kung kailan handa na ako, kung kailan na-realize kong mahal ko na siya, doon naman siya napagod at hindi na niya ako nahintay pa.

All I wish was for him to become fulfilled with the choice he made. Let him to be happy without blaming himself. Because I, too, am hurting to think and feel about it given that he didn't show up and no longer wants to pursue me, and we both have no chances of being together anymore.

I just hope that these choices will lead us to where we truly want to be.

"Oh, Red, alas dose na ng madaling araw. Dapat sa bahay ka na nagpahinga." Sinalubong ako ni Mama nang makapasok ako sa room ni Renz.

"Mas hindi ako makakapagpahinga roon, Ma, kaya dito na muna ako," I answered as I sat down next to her on the couch.

"Kumusta?" tanong niya bigla.

She knows what I was really planning to do earlier. Alam niyang pupunta ako sa bahay at doon kami magkikita ni Davin.

I carefully bit my lower lip, feeling the bulk of dried tears behind my puffy eyes. With a cautious swallow, I looked down at the letter in my hands, gently touching it to avoid any creases. Kita ko rin ang natuyong luha ko sa letter dahil napatakan ito kanina. Well, I just couldn't help but to cry earlier. Masakit, e.

"Wala, Ma. Hindi na naging kami." I fake my grin as I heaved a deep sigh.

Hinawakan ni Mama ang kamay ko, biglang napuno ng pag-alala sa mata niya. "Bakit? Anong nangyari, Red? Puwede kang magsabi sa akin."

Huminga na naman ako nang malalim at pinilit na ngumiti. "I guess, ayaw niya na. I don't even know his reasons. Because how would I know if... he didn't show up earlier?"

Tumaas ang kilay niya kaya na-intimidate ako. I know, most of the situation, mukhang mabait si Mama dahil sobrang maamo ang mukha niya. Pero dahil sa sinabi ko, nagbago bigla ang ekspresyon niya.

"Ginawa niya 'yon?" she asked seriously so I got really intimidated.

Napilitan akong tumango.

Suminghal si Mama. "Akala ko pa naman seryoso siya sa 'yo. Nagkamali ba ako ng tingin kay Davin?" kunot-noo niyang sabi. She carefully shook her head, disappointment was gracing her expression.

"Ma, let's not think about it anymore. Okay na 'yong isang beses kasi... I'm afraid I won't be able to handle it kung may susunod pa," I replied in low voice.

"Ibang klase." Bumuntong-hininga siya. "Sa una lang talaga siya naging seryoso sa 'yo, huh? Sinira niya ang tiwala ko. Baka sa una pa lang plinano niya na 'to at saktan k-"

I held her hand. Mukhang galit si Mama ngayon kaya pinigilan ko siya. "Ma, huwag kang mag-isip ng gan'yan, please. Kung ano man ang totoo, huwag na natin ipilit. After all, quits na kami. Tama na 'yong hintayan namin... Tama na 'yon."

Tumango lang siya at saka hinawakan din ang kamay ko. Halatang galit siya pero pinipigilan niya lang ang sarili. I know most of that is her concern for me. She's worried for me, naintindihan ko 'yon.