Wildfire And Rain

Chapter Twenty

Kai pops 2 mints into his mouth to get rid of the smell of sick and smoke he tastes every time he speaks, swallows, or simply closes his mouth. He hands Soobin the metal box. "Could you put it back?" he requests as he turns the wheel, his eyes pinned on the road. "Glove compartment."

"Yeah, sure." Soobin opens the glove compartment, expecting to see some serial killer-type stuff, like knives, or even rope and duct tape. But all he is met with is an empty packet of cigarettes and the usual license papers. He throws the tin of mints in there as well.

The rest of the ride is quiet, with only the sound of the heat from the car to create some white noise.

Kai puts the car to a stop right near the campus gate. He unlocks the car doors.

"Can I ask you something?" Soobin shamelessly blurts instead of getting out.

"Yes."

Soobin narrows his eyes skeptically. "Would you answer it, though?" he questions.

"Depends." seems like Soobin is already onto Kai's thinking pattern.

"A few Fridays ago, Taehyun called me. He was absolutely frantic." Soobin looks down. "He told me he ran into you, right nearby that convenience store."

"Right."

"That was not the question."

"I know. Go on."

"What happened to you that night?" Soobin asks. "Because I'm fairly certain you weren't robbed or jumped on. However I spin it, you just don't seem like the type to be as careless as that."

Kai clears his throat. "I happened to carry cash on me. We all have our moments." he lies. It wouldn't matter if Soobin believed him or not, as long as he didn't have proof that he was not telling the truth. They are similar, the two friends.

He's sure Taehyun wanted to ask him that as well, he can see it on his pretty face. But one difference between Soobin and Taehyun is that Soobin is a lot more forward.

Untrusting.

In a way, maybe Taehyun needs Soobin in his life to balance his naiveness.

"I know you're lying. And you know I know you're lying." Soobin almost reads his mind. He sighs "Look, whatever it may be. If Taehyun gets hurt because of you-"

"He won't."

Soobin rolls his eyes. "You know, for some reason, I find it hard to have it reassure me," he says in a painfully sarcastic tone, and with a click, he unlocks his seatbelt. "I'd tell him to stay away, but he's stubborn like that so I have to convince myself you won't somehow fuck him up."

Kai's face hardens.

"Thank you for the ride."

....................

Panic attacks differ from anxiety attacks. Many people don't know the difference between the two. Panic attacks are much more severe and rare. They are brief episodes of intense anxiety, but they are not anxiety attacks.

The intense anxiety causes the physical sensation of fear, at one point, you might feel like you're dying because the fear is so real. It feels so real.

Your vision may tunnel, losing parts of your sight, it's almost as if your body is screaming "ERROR, ERROR. SOMETHING IS WRONG." nothing really is, though. Pins and needles go through your body as if you're both numb and catching on fire. Both dunked in ice and set in flames.

The dizziness will crash you down on your knees, your world is ending around you, and it all feels dark. Dark and wrong. Wrong, wrong.

But nothing really is.