Wildfire And Rain

Chapter Forty-Three

Kai skimps through his and Beomgyu's fight. He remembers falling and hitting his head, then he walked down the stairs and took his car keys. The rest is a blurry mess of events.

He'd drove somewhere; parked someplace. It almost takes a physical toll on his head forcing his brain to remember anything from then on.

He'd go silently if he just knew he said goodbye.

"You're not paying attention."

Kai throws his head back; utterly annoyed. He would yawn in Mr. Harrison's face if he could. Not only is he struggling to follow the route of his latest memories, but he also has to do it while listening to the very unnecessary string of words coming from the man's mouth.

He said something about Kai running his mouth about the conversation they had in his house but not being too interested in answering; Kai tuned him out.

After getting the information he was desperately chasing for years, there is not a reason for him to sit around and listen to the brain-rotting speech Mr. Harrison is so adamant on giving him. He would much rather have a quiet death.

But the speech is way worse than a bullet to the head.

Mr. Harrison already has a class full of students ready to drink his words, but that is not enough for him, Kai thinks.

See, once Kai figured out it was Mr. Harrison who was responsible of the fire, his interest in the case decreased instantly. He scratched the itch, and now it's time to let go.

He had tried to find a reason, something to grab onto. But as it turns out no matter how many things he surrounds himself with, he still feels like life doesn't have much to offer him.

It is too hard to care.

All those years he was like a racing car, digging and searching; never stopping. And now it feels like he reaches the end line so what good will it do to keep driving?

Mr. Harrison said his father begged at the end of his life, but he had something to beg for. A family, a career. A life.

Maybe the reason Kai can't bother to get out of this cabin is because nothing awaits him outside.

Once again, Kai replays the events of earlier that night. Hoping to remember a phone call. He doesn't.

No matter how many times he tries, he doesn't remember calling Taehyun, and for a strange reason that makes him uneasy. He doesn't recall feeling uneasy on many occasions in his life.

The more he wants to remember and can't, the more he feels incomplete.

Red-headed, bright-eyed Taehyun. Would he be okay with Kai going? Kai would like to believe so. He'd like to believe they haven't spent that much time together for his death to affect Taehyun.

He'd go off to be successful; maybe he'd even finish the paper he had to write by tonight. Or has he done it already? Either way, he'd go onto finals without Kai, and graduate without Kai.

He and his best friend will get into the same hospital and Taehyun will meet a nice guy or girl at work. Or maybe he'd run to someone on the street and they would fall in love like Kai fell in love with him.

He's too easy to love. Of course, he'll find someone else.

Unknown moisture coats Kai's eyes; he brushes it off.

He wonders if there is an afterlife. If there is he'd refuse to follow Taehyun's life. Only the thought of the redhead even looking at others the way he tenderly looked at Kai. talked to him, as if he was worth the words. touched him as if he was worth the soft touch of pure affection.