Obsessed | Jude Bellingham

24.

Bianca Dawson
Offside
••••

Following your heart is often easier said than done. For most of my life, I struggled with the idea of timing—whether it was the right moment to make a move, change paths, or express my feelings. It seemed like everyone around me had it all figured out while I was left stumbling in the dark. But recently, this trip made me realize or further accept that it's not about comparing your journey to others; it's about finding your own rhythm, much like the offside rule in football.

Falling in love is often compared to a game, but for me, the perfect analogy lies in football, specifically the offside rule. If you're not familiar with the offside rule, it's a bit tricky. However it all comes down to timing. Timing is crucial. Make your move too early, and you're offside, unable to score or it doesn't count. But get the timing right, and the goal is yours.

In the game of life, and especially in love, timing is everything. You can't rush it, and you certainly can't control it. Again, just like in football, you have to wait for the perfect moment to make your move. Push too soon, flag raised...you're offside—out of sync and potentially missing out on a beautiful opportunity.

For the longest time, I struggled with this. I wanted to follow my heart, but I felt the pressure of my family's expectations and societal norms resting. They had their own timelines for me, complete with milestones I was supposed to hit by certain ages. But life doesn't work that way. I knew that, but they did see it that way. Everyone's journey is unique, and what works for one person might not work for another.

Take my brother, for instance. He met Isabelle, fell in love, and now they're married. Their timing was perfect for them, and I couldn't be happier for my brother. But watching their journey made me question my own path. Was I moving too slowly? Was I offside in the game of love?

I thought about Jude and how our timing never seemed to align. I found the perfect agency, got the job, and went in to score. I was on target, but the shot was blocked—thanks to Alexis.

That's fine, I thought. I took possession of the ball again, thinking I could finally score. Then, just as I was ready to make my move, the flag was raised—Lana. I was offside. Actually, I don't think I was offside; she came out of nowhere and took the ball I didn't even have it on target, I didn't get a chance to.

Jude thinks he can play mind games with the person who invented it? I don't think so. I know when I'm being lead on and I also know when I'm being toyed with. He wants me to keep being available until he can decide what or who he wants. A classic man move, have his cake and eat it too or however the saying went. When that happens, it's best to quit while you're ahead.

Perhaps it was for the best.

But here's the thing: I couldn't let go of Jude. I was obsessed with the idea of us. Every time I saw him with Lana, my heart ached, and I couldn't help but think that if I just tried a little harder, manipulated the timing a bit, we could finally be together. It wasn't just about waiting for the right moment anymore; it was about creating it.

Alexis tried to dominate the first half, but she went down before halftime. I thought I was about to be subbed off, but I saw a glimmer of hope. He wants me, I know he does, he's just struggling to choose. At halftime, I had time to recoup, gather my thoughts, and plan my next moves. Lana subbed on for Alexis in the first half, who of course scored—everyone loves her. But the game isn't over; luckily for me, it's second half, maybe added time will even be awarded.

She's an excellent player so it may head into a penalty shootout. But if Lana was smart, she'd concede before it reached penalties.

I took my Prada glasses off as I stood infront of Jude's house. I took a deep breath before walking up to the door and entering. It was quiet as it usually was. Jude was expecting me yesterday, but I had loose ends to tie up.