A Bit Too CRAZY (Josh Hutchereson FanFic)

Chapter Twenty-Six

Chapter Twenty-Six

*some mature content* (don’t worry I felt weird too ._.)

If crazy people don’t know they’re crazy and I call myself crazy then am I not crazy? I guess not. But that doesn’t mean I’m not insane. Insane is more than crazy. “Then I’m insane,” I say to Josh. “You’re tired of my being insane.”

    “No I’m not. But I am very concerned,” Josh replies.

    “If you’ve been concerned for past, like, eight months, then how come you haven’t taken me to a hospital yet, Josh!” I stare into Josh’s eyes, maybe too coldly. I do want to go to a hospital though. I do. I honestly do. “Because I really do want to go to one.”

    “I know,” Josh says. “I just don’t want them to hurt you.”

   “Josh, it’s a hospital. I highly doubt they’d hurt me.”

    “I know. I mean...” Josh avoids eye contact with me and then can’t. “scare you or something. Like somehow trigger the... hallucinations.”

    “Why not? If they can figure out how it’s triggered than they can figure out how to stop it.”

    Josh pulls me in, and kisses me. After a few seconds, he pulls back, and hugs me - tightly. “I just don’t want them doing anything to you,” Josh says into my ear.

    “They won’t, Josh,” I say as I hug Josh back.

    I feel Josh press his eyes into my shoulder blade behind me. This is honestly awkward for me; I’ve never seen a guy cry before, not even on TV or in movies. I grew up being told that guys aren’t supposed to cry, even though I never believed that.

    I press my lower face into Josh’s neck. I wait for Josh to stop crying. I can’t help people when it comes to crying. After a couple minutes, Josh stops crying; I’m really happy it was just mainly sobbing though. Josh lifts his head, and I do too. He presses his lips to my cheek. “Sorry,” he says.

   “Don’t be. Now we’re even. Kind of,” I say.

    “Even for today,” Josh says. There’s a long pause. “I don’t want you going to a hospital,” Josh says.

    “I want to. Nothing would happen, Josh.”

    Josh kisses my cheek and then my lips. “When will you fit in the time though?” Josh asks. I stand there, think about how right Josh is. I really don’t have time. Josh says, “Why not a therapist? If the doctors will treat you like they’re therapists why not just get a therapist. At least then you won’t be locked up in a tiny room or something.”

    “I guess so. They never worked before though. Never understood.”

Josh and I spend the rest of the day together watching movies and playing around like kids. In the middle of watching Titanic I rest my head on Josh’s chest and close my eyes. I feel Josh carry me upstairs; the next thing I process is the bed beneath me. I think Josh is looking at me while lying next to me, and holding my hand.

Josh’s lips press against my forehead, and move across my face to my cheek and eventually my lips. I kiss back gently, and we stay there for a while. Josh holds my waist and kisses a little bit more. I wrap my arms around his chest.

I feel a warm sensation in my body, and a twisting but kind of nice feeling in my stomach. My heart starts to race.

Josh lifts up my shirt and takes it off. Suddenly I feel kind of weird, wearing no shirt and just a bra in front of Josh. He kisses my jaw line and neck a little bit and takes off his shirt.

Almost out of nowhere, I put my hands on his chest. Josh starts to slide my pants off and kiss my collarbone. He takes his pants off too, and runs his fingers through my hair as he kisses my lips again. He pulls away, but barely.

Josh whispers, “You’re beautiful, you know?”

I smile a little, and say, “Guess so.”

Josh kisses me again and starts to gently touch my lower thighs. I suddenly feel even weirder, uncomfortable maybe. I don’t say anything or let Josh know this; I will just ruin this for him.

I don’t know what I think of this and I don’t know what’s going on in my mind. Except this is different, in a way, because I don’t think this is like the kind of not-knowing-what’s-in-my-mind craziness but more of just nervous and confused.

The thing is, I’ve been with Josh perfectly fine for about eight months, yet I still don’t really know what I want from Josh. I’ve never experienced this, what we’re doing, before with anyone. I don’t know at all how to react or what to do or what to say if anything at all.

Josh kisses my chest, and all I want to do is run away. I don’t know why I feel so lost and confused, so weird and ignorant. Suddenly I realize Josh is on top of me and not beside me. I don’t know why I just realized this.

         Josh suddenly stops kissing me, and looks at my face, in my eyes. He moves back next to me and makes me look at him. He lightly and briefly kisses my lips.

         “Are you not ready?” Josh asks me. I swallow and shake my head no. “I won’t make you do anything.”

         Josh wraps his arms around me, which I don’t mind. I rest my head on Josh’s chest and close my eyes. I want to fall asleep right now. I want to dream of something happy or not dream and just forget everything for a little bit.

         Eventually I do fall asleep, but I don’t have the nicest dream. It’s vague and seems like it’s an instant, but I had a dream where Danny was following me all over the city. I don’t remember anything until the end which was when he forcefully took me to this place, I don’t know where. He had hurt me, or killed me. I don’t remember.

         All I’m sure about is that I woke to Josh shaking me a lot. He was screaming my name and trying to calm me down. My face was wet with a mixture of tears and beads of sweat.

         I rub my eyes and try to slow my breathing. Josh holds my shoulders and says something, but I don’t catch it.

         “Are you okay, Scarlett? What’s wrong?” Josh repeats.

         “Dream,” I say.

         Josh kisses my forehead and wipes my tears with his thumb. “Okay. I’m gonna be downstairs making breakfast.” Josh leaves and shuts the door.

         I reach for my clothes on the floor. I put them on slowly, tiredly. I sit for a while just thinking about last night, yesterday.

I walk downstairs and I find my way to the kitchen again, and see Josh cooking. “Hey,” I say kind of quiet.

         “Hey,” Josh says back turning his head for a second to look at me. He fills a plate with French toast, eggs, and fruit. He hands me a coffee and I walk to the living room. I poke at my breakfast, which smells amazing, and wonder what’s going to happen today.

         Soon, Josh joins me on the couch, and makes me eat the food. When we both finish, we put the plates on the coffee table. I stare at my lap and tap my foot rapidly.

         “Wanna talk about your dream?” Josh asks. I shake my head. “Are you upset about last night?”

         “Not upset,” I say. I think for a moment. “It’s just weird. I never really did it before…”

         Josh has me look at him. “Don’t worry about it. No one has to know and it won’t really affect anything.”

         I nod a little.

When I get back to my  apartment, I check my phone for messages, and see one from Jenny. “hey. I hear the van Gogh exhibit is still up. Wanna go?” It was from about two hours ago.

         I respond with a ‘yes’ because I have nothing else I want to do and I want to do something. It’s really the only thing that I might enjoy today.