A Bit Too CRAZY (Josh Hutchereson FanFic)

Chapter Nine

Chapter Nine

I say, “I’m nowhere near perfection, Josh…”

                “Stop lying to yourself! You’re perfect. You’re just in a tough situation,” Josh says.

                “You don’t get it, it happened a lot. Even if I’m the happiest person in the world, something in mind conjures up this imaginary image or something and makes me think it’s vividly real! And it’s worse when I’m alone because there’s no one to help me!” I can feel the tears commencing to escape my eyes and drip down my cheeks. “I don’t know what the feeling is that people get when they see me crazy, and out of my mind, and screaming at something or running from something that’s not even real. I don’t see how people can-.”

                “Don’t worry about them and what they think. In your life, others’ opinions don’t matter. Only yours does…” There’s a long pause as I drink half of what’s left in my glass of water. “What did you see?” Josh asks.

                I explain everything. I explain who the Silhouette Man was. I explain how the walls closed in. I explain how I punched Josh because he turned into the Silhouette Man. Josh told that what he pulled out was a tissue and that he was going to wipe away a cut I got on my cheek.

                “Speaking of which…,” Josh says. He goes to grab a wet paper towel, and comes back. Gently, Josh wipes away the blood my cheek. I make a reminder to look at it when I get the chance, just to make sure it’s not too bad. I touch the cut when Josh pulls back, and it stings slightly. I pull my fingers back to find a good amount of fresh blood. Josh grabs another couple wet towels, and cleans off the rest of the blood. I caress Josh’s cheek, feeling like I’m hallucinating when I’m not. My fingers make little roads of blood across his cheek, and I feel Josh blush slightly.

                “Thank you,” I say. “For everything. Thanks for everything.” I start thinking – or trying to think actually. Was it really just yesterday night when Josh barged into my apartment. Just by looking at Josh I can see he’s wondering the same thing, but with the other half of the story, the explanation as to why he did barge in. I wish there was a way at reading his mind, reading the thoughts he has of me. Reading the thoughts he has when Danny starts to annoy me. Reading his emotions. I wish I could read Danny’s mind as well, to see if he does indeed love me.

                “Really, anything,” Josh says. And then it happens. Josh kisses me, again. Somehow I had forgotten that Josh was my inspiration, my hero. Probably because I had replaced all those words with friend.

                You have no idea do you, Josh? I think. That I want so immensely for you to be with me every day, and for you to be there just in case I go mad? You have no idea how much I need you, how much you mean to me now.

                Josh pulls back, and looks in my eyes. His glittering hazel eyes, my sparkling greenish grey ones locked on his. I intertwine our hands and start wishing I were ready for another relationship… Three days. I think. Three days to completely recover from the emotional wounds Danny gave you. Three days, and I’ll give myself another to think about it then.

                You work the late shift tonight. I remember that today I was going to get a little more money and spend the night at the art store. Saturdays are the days the store stays open until midnight. I volunteered to take the night shift in place of one of my few co-workers Dana because she wants to get some sleep tonight, wanting to rest from her days. I could say Dana and I are friends, but I wouldn’t say complete friends. Maybe half friends. Less most likely. She goes through similar things like me, as in my craziness. Whenever I’m with her, I feel like someone understands me. But the reason she doesn’t help me with the problem we both have is because we both have it. As in, if she wants help getting rid of the problem, and doesn’t know how, then how could she help me? Vis Versa too.

                I still wouldn’t use the word friend though. The only things we talk about are work, the craziness, and art. None of those things really bring us together though. We do different styles of art. We only on occasion get to work together, and even than it is only for a couple hours. And the craziness… well, that’s self explanatory.

                “How did I cut myself?” I ask Josh to take my mind off of my craziness a bit; unless of course the explanation involves it.

                “You feel, and a nail sticking out the wall I guess cut it. That’s all I can think of. I did see one. I can’t think of any other reason,” says Josh.

                “Happy it wasn’t my fault. I’d really have to go to a mental hospital if I went crazy and hurt myself.”

                “Shut up about that, Scarlett. You don’t need to go to a mental hospital. You just need someone.”

                “A friend.” I squeeze Josh’s hand and he squeezes mine too. I feel like we really are a couple, but we’re not. I don’t think we are anyway. Josh kissed me a couple times, but the first time he didn’t exactly… I don’t know. That one was probably like he didn’t know if he’d see me again or something or the other. I know the second was intentional. Did he kiss a third time? I think so. Either he did or he didn’t the second and possibly third one were intentional. “Friend,” I hear myself repeat, but in a softer voice.

                Josh smiles, but I can see that feeling in his eyes. Whatever the name of the feeling is when you don’t want to be friends, you want to be boyfriend and girlfriend. Maybe even more than that.

                “Considering we’re friends…,” Josh starts.

                “My only friend,” I say.

                “Do we trust each other with anything?”

                “Guess I have no choice considering you’re really the only one I have within a one-thousand mile radius.”

                “Yeah. So feel free to tell me everything. Anything. Don’t hesitate. I won’t judge you.”

                “Are you sure? You won’t judge?” I was never used to no judgments. It’s because of all the mental breakdowns I’ve had school. The kids made fun of me, but of course the few friends I had tried to help.

                “I’m positive.”

                I can’t stop myself from spilling every last thing out to Josh. In detail. Including everything. From the minute I started high school, to now. All the events I remember. I spill each secret I have in between, and stating if Danny or anyone else knew or not. By the time I get to when Sydney Conners did what she did, I can see Josh wants to cry. If you exclude Danny, then I’ve never seen a guy cry. It’s kind of awkward. Anyway, I finally finish in hours of when I started. Everything. I looked back at everything and told it to someone I met just yesterday…

                Josh is clenching his jaw, trying to stay strong for me. His hand drops from my hand, and both of his hands wrap around me. I wrap my arms around him to… The first tear falls down my back, telling me Josh really is crying. I never thought I’d do what I did, tell someone everything. “I’m so sorry…,” Josh chokes out.

                “It’s fi-.”

                “IT’A NOT FINE, SCARLETT!” Josh yells at me as he holds my shoulders out in front of him. “You’ve practically been tortured your whole life! That’s not fine! You – and everyone else on this planet – should never have to go through that!” Josh strokes my left cheek, where the cut is. “It’s not fine.”

                All I want to do now is run away to my room, try to think things over, and relax. I wish I could go paint or draw or write or play my guitar. I suddenly get the feeling that if I did I would stop because I wouldn’t be able to. I hug Josh, tightly, and press my good cheek into the joint in his elbow. “At least I’m not crying this time,” I say. “I got everything out. Everything. I’m relieved.”