He still has nightmares about it all. He knows Kal has his too; he cares more about that as Kal has his nightmares. Neither of them talk to each other about them. Which in hindsight isn't great. They should be more vocal about nightmares. He's in his office, doing paperwork and figuring out what to do next, when everything goes wrong. His facade was breaking out of stress and everything catching up. It turns to rage, blind rage of throwing things tipping his chair. His office looked like a storm ran straight through it. He barricaded himself in desk against the door. The rage dissipates and the rest of the emotions flood in. He finds himself in the corner of the room furthest away from the door curled up pulling at his hair, smoothing it down, repeating it over and over. Holding his breath, biting his tongue. He will not cry. He doesn't need to. It's not necessary. Crying isn't allowed. "Shit" He mumbles trying to keep all the emotions inside. He wants Kal but he can't be clingy with him. He's busy.
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He didn't know how long he was sitting there; he didn't care anyway. The voices in his head are overwhelming. He's still not crying, it hurts. His breathing stutters as he's struggling to hold everything in he can't do this today. "Darlin'?" He knows who it is but the voice isn't right, it's distorted and it sounds like it. Koa covers his ears, his nails dig in the back of his ears, he wants to block everything out. It's too much. He didn't see Kal move to be in front of him, he gently takes Koa's hands "treasure it's okay" He looks so worried "yer okay angel," Kal moves Koa so that he is sitting on Kal's lap, he puts a hand on Koa's cheek and one around him to hold Koa there. Kal gives Koa a gentle kiss, when he moves off Kal stays close to Koa's lips and says "Yer safe with me, yer safe." He can't keep everything inside and it doesn't stay the tears start pouring down his face, he sobs and it hurts more now he buries his head in Kal's shoulder as he whispers sweet nothings to Koa trying to calm him down.
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Kal picked up Koa and carried him to their room. Koa didn't move his head once. He couldn't everything was too much and Kal was keeping him out of his head. Kal lies down on the bed letting Koa lie on him and not moving until Koa was ready too. Koa moves so that his ear is on Kal's chest to listen to Kal's heart as Kal plays with his hair.
"Ah love ya" Kal says as Koa starts falling asleep.
