Marriage #2: My Bodyguard [Ongoing]

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“What the fuck!"

His eyes widened and quickly removed his hand from inside my shirt. Nataranta siya at inayos ang damit ko. Malalaki ang mga matang tumingin siya sa akin.

He swallowed hard. “Are you serious?"

“I'm not stupid enough to make the word rape a joke," I said and smiled sadly.

He gasped. “Oh, fuck!" inayos niya ulit ang damit ko kahit maayos na. “I shouldn't have done that, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry!" He didn't seem to know what to do. “I’m so stupid! Why did I do that? I'm so sorry."

Paulit-ulit niyang inayos ang damit ko at halos parang ayaw niya na akong hawakan dahil sa pagkataranta niya.

“Calm down, Saij." I held his hand.

His lips opened a bit while his eyes were still wide as he looked at me. “Oh, Goodness! How are you feeling? Did I scare you?" he hit his head. “No, shit! I will kill myself." He seems to be going crazy.

Natulala naman siya nang tumawa ako.

“I'm okay, Saij. My trauma didn't attack me when you touched me. So you don't have to worry." Hindi ko akalain na ganito ang magiging reaksyon niya.

Nakita ko ang pagtikom ng bibig niya ng mariin siyang lumunok. “Are you serious?"

I nodded. "I'm okay. I'm comfortable with you."

“Are you serious?" he asked again.

Napakamot ako sa ulo. “Okay nga lang!" I snapped.

He closed his eyes tightly and breathed a sigh of relief. Kalaunan ang hinalikan niya ako sa ulo at mahigpit na niyakap.

“When did that happen?"

“When I was sixteen..." mahinang sagot ko at mahigpit na yumakap sa kaniya.

“Oh, God! You're so young." He took a deep breath again. “Who helped you?"

I buried my face on his neck. “Wala," bulong ko. “Walang tumulong sa akin kaya nagawa ng mga lalaking ’yon ang lahat ng gusto nilang gawin sa akin at sa katawan ko."

Nanubig ang mga mata ko nang maalala ko kung paano ako sumigaw at magmakaawa noon para tigilan nila ako. Awang-awa ako sa sarili ko dahil wala akong magawa habang binababoy nila ako.

“I called my father that day," I added. “I tried to ask for his help while I was in the hands of those men. Pero tulad ng ginawa niya kay mama ay pinagkaitan niya rin ako ng tulong."

Inalis niya ang mukha ko sa pagkakabaon sa leeg niya. Kitang-kita ko ang awa sa kaniyang mga mata ng punasan niya ang mukha ko.

He looked at me softly as he caressed my cheeks. “Ilan sila?" he asked again.

I bit my lip. “Tatlo... tapos mag-isa lang ako." hindi ko maiwasan ang hindi mapahikbi. “I am very angry with my father. Mas lalong lumaki ang galit ko sa kaniya matapos ang nangyari sa akin."

“What did he do when you called him?" his brows furrowed.

I shook my head. “Wala. He just said that I shouldn't call because what I have to say is not important. Palaging gano’n, hindi importante kahit umiiyak ako ng tawagan ko siya. He said the same thing when I was asking for help for my mother."

His jaw clenched. “He is so stupid!" anger drew in his eyes.

My tears flowed even more. “I thought I would be safe when I called him. Akala ko kasi tutulungan niya ako pero pinatay niya agad ang tawag matapos niyang sabihin na itigil ko ang pagtawag sa kaniya dahil may importante siyang inaasikaso."