Marriage #2: My Bodyguard [Ongoing]

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“Kumain ka, Jane," Liz said in a worried voice as she handed me a plate full of food.

I shook my head. “Later na lang... wala pa rin akong gana ngayon," I replied with no energy.

She sighed heavily and sat down next to me, her shoulder slumped. We’re already in Masbate City, Cassy's place and hometown. She said she was born here, but they moved to Manila because her family's business was there.

Nandito na kami pero parang naiwan sa Manila ang isip at puso ko. I wonder what is going on there right now. If Saij is looking for me or if he is trying to find me. And if he really cares about me. Well, why would he do that if he's already married?

I'm so stupid!

I shouldn't think about him anymore. Hindi niya nga ako inisip at ang mararamdaman ko bago niya ilihim sa akin ang ganoong kahalagang bagay. He even looks so happy that he is hiding something from me. I should stop myself from loving someone like him.

“Bakit ba sobrang malas ko?" mahinang tanong ko habang nakatingin sa kawalan. It feels as though I'm facing consequences for a wrongdoing that I can't even identify. Kung kailan natuto na akong magtiwala at magmahal saka pa nagkaganito.

Liz gasped for air. Nang tumingin ako sa kaniya ay nakapatong na sa kaniyang hita ang platong hawak niya habang malamlam ang mga matang nakatingin sa akin. I only looked at her for a moment because I looked away again. Pero nakita kong nilapag niya ang hawak niyang plato.

“Jane," she held my hand as she said my name softly. I didn't try to look at her. “Instead of dwelling on negative thoughts, you should try to start a new life here. I understand that your current situation is challenging, but you shouldn't lock yourself in sadness. Be brave and strong for yourself."

As I pondered her words, I pressed my lips together. I am aware of that, but I feel like I need a substantial amount of time before I can begin to establish a new life here.

Starting over at this moment is very challenging for me. I am in immense pain, and I am finding it difficult to even contemplate how I would begin this process.

Kayang-kaya ko sanang tanggapin agad ang mga nangyari kung hindi lang pumasok sa isipan ko ang mga bagay na ginawa kay mama ng tatay ko na maaring iutos niya kay Saij na gawin din sa akin.

He is very selfish and I know he can do that to me. Wala siyang ibang iniisip kundi ang sarili niya at ang sinasabi niyang pamilya. I don't know if Saij can really obey him, but he's already married. So why did he treat me like that and keep a secret from me if he had no intention?

I thought I knew him already.

“Jane..."

“I’m okay, Liz." I interrupted. “I will be fine, I just need time. I've been through a lot so I know I can get through this too. Kailangan ko lang talaga ng oras at panahon."

“Forget about him so you can feel better."

I shook my head as I sighed heavily. “I don't have to do that, Liz. I can be okay without forgetting him, so there's no need to do that."

The only thing I want to erase from my mind are the emotions and feelings I have for him. I don't necessarily want to erase him from my memory because I want to always remind myself that not everyone who shows kindness has genuine motives. He will be my inspiration to always remember this.

Hindi ko rin kalilimutan ang mga bagay na tinuro niya sa akin. I will appreciate myself more than he taught me to do. I will pursue the good path that he said awaits me.

I will always remember that I am better than anyone as he made me feel. There's nothing wrong with me, the fault lies with the people around me.

Magiging okay ako tulad nang gusto niyang mangyari, kahit hindi ako sigurado kung ’yon ba talaga ang gusto niya. But I will believe what he made me feel. I must be fine and not let myself be trapped in darkness again.