i refuse to sink.

chapter fourty-three.

"Can you try eating something today, baby?" Harry whispered rubbing my back. I shook my head, earning a long sigh from Harry. I choked back the tears, I was making Harry upset, I knew it. I knew him. Harry picked me up and placed me on his lap. "I'm sorry baby, I just can't lose you too. You need to try to stay healthy you haven't eaten a proper meal in a few weeks. You can see your bones, and I've been nice and haven't taken you to the hospital. But I will Morgan, and its not to be mean, its to help you, okay?" Harry said seriously. I looked up at him and nodded. He wiped away the tear that slipped out of my eye and kissed my forehead.

"I'll eat." I mumbled into Harry's chest.

"What do you want? Chinese?" Harry asked. I flinched and let out a cry. "Shit, I'm sorry Morgan, I forgot." Harry quickly added. Harry squeezed me around the waist and gave kisses on my head. "I'm so sorry." Harry whispered. The night I lost our baby, I was eating Chinese.

"I want chicken." I said. Harry chuckled into my neck and nodded.

"I can ask my mom to go out and get it?" Harry offered.

"I want to go." I whispered. Harry looked at me for a few seconds before nodding. "I need to shower first."

"Okay babe, take your time. I'm out here if you need me." Harry said.

"I want you to join me." I said looking in Harry's eyes. Harry smiled and nodded. He got off the bed and grabbed my hand and led me to the bathroom. "I want you to make me forget." I whispered in Harrys ear after we took off our clothes.

"Anything for you baby." Harry whispered and backed me up into the shower. "We have to be quiet, my mom is downstairs." I nodded and smashed my lips to Harry. I needed to feel pleasure, instead of pain and emptiness.

****

"Do you want to take it back to ours, or eat here babe?" Harry asked. I looked around, it wasn't very crowded. I let go of his hand and walked to empty seat close to the window. I sat down and smiled at Harry. His dimples appeared when he smiled. Sitting here in a restaurant made me realize how hungry I actually was. I looked up and saw Harry ordering. He handed the cashier his card, and walked over to me.

"Nice choice of seating my dear." Harry smiled as he took the chair across from me. I laughed lightly and shook my head, "There it is." Harry whispered. I looked up at him confused. "Your beautiful laugh, I've missed it."

"Me too." I sighed. "When are we going to New York?"

Harry's face lit up at the question, he was thinking of canceling, to stay home and watch over me. "In a few days, I think Friday we leave. Are you coming?" Harry asked hopefully.

I debated for a minute before answering, "Yeah, I need to go. Plus I need to meet up with those girls, so it will be good to get away for a little but, you know?" I said twirling my straw in my sweet tea. I felt Harrys hand take mine.

"I love you." Harry said. I smiled and leaned across the table and gave him a peck on the lips.

The waitress brought our food over, and I began nibbling on it. I was aware of Harrys eyes on me making sure I ate.

"Harry?" I said breaking the silence. Harry put his food down and looked up at me. I looked down at my plate and shook my head smiling nervously.

"Babe, whats up?" Harry asked reaching for my hand.

"Nothing, its nothing." I lied.

"Morgan, you really need to open up to me, especially now. Because I am trying to help you, and you know it, but I cant help it if you bottle everything up inside. I'm not going to leave you, ever. You know that right? I am so in love with you, its crazy." Harry said. I sighed and nodded my head.