In My Mind

Chapter Twenty Four - Aria's POV

After school I got home and for some reason I heard my parents voices. They were actually home. I thought mum was away.
When I walked into the house, there was shouting. So much shouting...
"Give me the house!" My mother screamed. "I payed and worked and you... You! You went around sleeping with any women on the street!"
"Well you weren't exactly there when I needed you!"
"When on Earth did you need anything beside my money?!"
A fight about money. They are finally home but tearing each other apart. I hear more shouts and accusations my head is pounding. My eyes swell with tears and I plonk my school bag by the door.
"You married me for my looks!" My mother spits. "In vein, pride and superficial nonsense!"
"I can't stand the sight of you!" He hisses.
I peer around a corner and see her rolling her eyes with her gold necklace and oversized sunglasses. Her tiny waist is shown off by her tight black skirt and gathered black jacket. Her perfect blonde hair is never out of place and any woman would kill for her tanned skin especially in the middle of winter. He is throwing his arms in the air like a crazed lunatic. He's stomach is beginning to flow over his belt and his hair is almost grey.
"You married me because I had money! I had security! You were some stupid teen with a lust for money!"
"That's rich coming from the man who lives off my income!"
He scoffs and then sees me. I try to run away but I'm not fast enough.
"If you get the house, I get Aria!"
He grabs my collar and I try to hide my tears. I can't deal with this. My stomach flips.
"Why don't you let her decide?!"
He laughs, "You don't even love her!"
I cringe and try to wriggle free. My heart falls through my chest and I start to tremble. A sense of sadness washes over.
"Please let go..." I mumble.
"What?!" He yells. "What are you saying?!"
I shiver, "Let me go to my room..."
"Why?!" He scoffs. "She doesn't love you and I'm sorry to say."
Mum just rolls her eyes but doesn't deny it... "And you just cherish every moment with her, don't you?!"
"At least I spend time with her and don't leave her alone every other week!"
He never spends time with me. Neither of them know a thing about me. His grip gets tighter as he yells furiously at mum. My head pounds and I just want to leave the room. I want to go.
"Please let go..." I whisper.
He turns around in shock, as if I was a violent two year old, "Ungrateful git."
He lets go with a forceful push, "Go on. Leave."
I almost trip running up to my, trying to escape the violent shouts.
I slam the door and slide down the back. They don't love me. They don't care about me. They don't even know anything about me. They don't know what foods I like, they don't know what my favourite colour is, they don't even know how India's death tore me into pieces. I'll never stop thinking about how the world took away that brave girl. No one even notice she died.
I'm worthless to them. If I was to run away. They wouldn't mind. If I was to die...
I walk over to my full length mirror and stare. What's wrong with me? I've never been popular. I have friends now. Don't I? Olivia did ignore me today in class.
I see a short petite girl with her hair in a soft bun. The girl looking back has a red blotchy face with a huge ugly frown. She looks like a meerkat only ugly. She looks unworthy of love, of friends, of a life worth living.
I flicker away from my reflection. No one cares about that girl.
My stomach growls and I hear the shouting end. Then my mum swears while leaving the house. Dad swears a few times before leaving through the back door.
I ran down to the kitchen without letting my chef notice me. My chef was only given to me because my mum thought I was over weight when I was nine. She told me that 'we must do something about that chocolate fat.
And she did.
I crave muesli bars. I need seven of them. I feel so... Empty.
I open a cupboard. Bingo.
Mum's protein bars.
I take out the box and head to my room. The first one I devour faster than a tequila shot. It doesn't fill any kind of void. I eat another... And another... And another... And I eat five more after that. Soon my stomach is about to burst but I still feel...
Empty.
I find a bag of bread and eat that too. Every single slice.
I'm shocked that I ate all that food. I normally weigh about 50kg. I head to my bathroom and check my weight.
54kg.
I ate that many calories. I am a pig. I'm a worthless pig. What if my mum finds out. She would kill me. If she knew I had put on that much weight...
I can only work off so many kilos in a day. She makes me weigh myself once a month. I think that's about two days away.
Not possible.
I can't do that. I'm meant to be losing weight according to mum and her idea of perfection. Not everyone is born with a tiny waist and curves in her body like her. I sure wasn't. She'll kill me.
A wave of quilt washes over me like a tsunami. How could I? I know there is one way I could get rid of it...
I stare at the toilet bowl.