A Sith or a Jedi? - a STAR WARS fanfic

Troubles

The past few hours we're very hazy, I'm not sure if it was because of the exhaustion or just my unbalanced mind state. After the meeting with the Council, Obi-Wan escorted me back to my quarters without a word, which really didn't help me figure out his current feelings towards me. He only spoke once we reached the sliding door that led to my room.

"Get some rest, Ezra. We have many things to attend to tomorrow." he patted my shoulder like he always used to do, but I could feel his stiffness and uncertainty. Although there were many things I wished to tell him, I didn't want to push anymore heated conversations and settled on a small nod, before entering my room.

The door closed, and I was left alone in the dark, empty room. I walked over to the window seat and crashed onto it. I was so exhausted, every part of my body was screaming for the comfort of my bed, I knew I had to sleep, but I couldn't even close my eyes. I couldn't quiet my mind, I was so lost and confused, yet I knew exactly what to do.

I continued to watch the restless Coruscant for a few minutes longer, before deciding to take a walk. Walks were nice, they helped me clear my mind and gather my thoughts, or at least most of the time they did.

I left my room and slowly made my way through the empty hallways of the Jedi Temple. Why was I even here? I shouldn't be here, I'm practically the perfect example of what you could imagine behind the enemy of the Jedi. And yet, they want me around. Sure, maybe it's because of the war, they need every piece of help they can get and maybe when it's over, I'll face yet another Council meeting. But is a former Sith Lord, a murderer, really worth it to them? 

I came by some sort of a balcony and decided to stop there for a second. I looked around to find some restless Jedi still walking around in the gardens, but other than them, there was nobody in sight.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I tried to meditate, it's what Obi-Wan said helps with any and every trouble he finds himself in. I never liked meditating, my mind was going too fast to ever really quieted it, but Obi-Wan was a Jedi Master and a very wise man, surely he knew what he was talking about.

I tried to focus on all the life around me, the Jedi, the common people, the animals and all the other living beings. It always felt kinda strange but also reassuring to know, that other people were there worrying about their own lives and that they had no idea of Ezra's own problems, or her existence, for that matter. No matter what she did, the world still kept spinning, life was still going on. It was a comforting thought.

"So, is this what the Sith usually do at night? No wander they all seem so depressed if they never sleep." a voice said and made me jump slightly. Not often were people able to sneak up on me.

I didn't even comprehend the words, when I turned around to find the white-haired Jedi Master leaning on the wall behind me.

"Don't worry, I won't snitch on you, after all, I here too." she smiled at me, then pushed herself off the wall and walked to the railing, to stand beside me. I moved slightly away from the Jedi, my eyes still lingering on her, trying to remember her name.

"Master... Mahina?" I asked, my voice came out more pitched than I wanted it to. Must've been caused by the crying and whining I did the last time I spoke and my voice still didn't rest enough to level out.

"Guilty as charged." she put her hands up in surrender, then shook her head with a light chuckle and leaned on the railing, mimicking my stance.

"So, what is keeping you up so late?" she asked me, her eyes not leaving the Coruscant landscape, or building-scape more likely. My eyes followed her gaze and watched the traffic that didn't seem to ever disappear here.