A Sith or a Jedi? - a STAR WARS fanfic

Confessions

Kenobi...

The only name that has been ringing inside of my twisted mind for the past decade. It's the only name I seem to remember, the most relevant. But I'm starting to feel like I am missing one, just as a picture is painted before me. A girl, seemingly in her teens laying in a bed, sleeping.

Although I recognize this as a mere vision, or perhaps an illusion of my imagination, I feel a connection to this girl. The only thing I could see from afar was her hair, a reflection of my skin tone, red and black. If I had accepted that I had gone completely insane, I'd say that I knew her, at some point in my life.

But I do not recall a child in my memory. Maybe I do not want to remember, I don't know. But there must be a reason for why I see her, why just now. I get closer, her features more visible now; her light grey skin, the markings on her cheeks. Even my surroundings become more vivid; a medical wing.

I scrunch my eyebrows together, trying to recognize the girl, or at least connect her to a name, but nothing came up. And so, for the rest of the day I sit around trying to remember who is this special, nameless girl.

----------

Apparently, I spent over a week in coma after the wonderful mission on Vanqor. When I did wake up, I found Obi-Wan sitting right beside me, an apologetic look on his face. After all the apologies I brushed off with my thanks to him for saving me, he briefed me quickly on what had happened afterwards, and a day later I was released from the medical wing.

I wanted to get back to the action as fast as possible, but everybody insisted I take a while off, to make sure I was feeling a hundred percent. So, in the meantime, when Anakin, Ahsoka and Obi-Wan were off Coruscant saving the galaxy, I got stuck in the Temple alone, training and meditating.

And as much as I hate this, I must admit that I've been getting better at my lightsaber forms, thanks to Master Mahina. although she can be a little overwhelming sometimes, she is a pretty good company. Well, better than most Jedi I ever met.

One day she even told me about Dooku when he was still a part of the Jedi Order, and he never really changed I realized, beside the killing people thing. She also told me about Obi-Wan's Master, the one Maul killed all those years ago on Naboo.

Ever since then, my thoughts have once again started to revolve around Maul. I think about what would have happened if Maul didn't die, and instead returned back to me on Dathomir. Would we leave? How would I react to finding out the truth about the Sith then? Would I even find out? Would this war even start if Maul stayed Sidious's apprentice...

The more I thought about it, the deeper my questions led. All of a sudden, everything that had happened until now seems connected to Maul's death, to Sidious. I always knew that my life was somehow all twisted between Sidious's fingers, but seeing now what had he been able to accomplish, while still being hidden in the shadows, I am starting to see that everyone is just a pawn, a puppet in his game for the throne of the galaxy. It unsettles me.

And just when I felt like I was going to drown in all these unanswerable questions, the beeping of my comlink snapped me back to reality.

"Hello? Ezra receiving." I answered, pinching my temples to get away the last of my dark thoughts and focus more properly.

"Commander Ezra? Senator Amidala has requested your presence at her apartment."

"What? Padme? Did she say for what purpose?" I tilted my head in confusion. Why would she ask for me?

"She did not, but if it is an inconvenient time, she said it isn't important." the voice, I connected to Padme's security guard, answered. If it isn't anything pressing, what reason could she have for my presence?