A Sith or a Jedi? - a STAR WARS fanfic

Understanding the differences

Hello! Just a quick note: I was doodling in class and I may have changed Master Pali's gender. So if you're a little confused, Master Pali is a female human, cause we love boy moms xd. That's all byebye!!!!

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"Ezra, are you alright? You're unusually quiet." Obi-Wan asks me, a concerned look plastered all over his face.

"I'm always quiet." I answer him, when I look around to find myself back at the warehouse three years later.

He gives me the annoyed look, the one that says: "You know what I mean..." and explains: "You're shaking, I know something is wrong, the Force tells me."

I look at him with a raised eyebrow first, but then lower my eyes and I sigh. "I don't know, I guess I'm just all shaken up, that I thought this was okay just a few years back, that I was on the same side as the monsters who did these kinds of things." I tell him. I choose my word very carefully, because I really don't want them to know, that I know who actually did this. That it was me.

"It's not your fault, you were lied to, you didn't know. Nobody blames you." he tried to comfort me, but I still had the need to snap back: "The council does." I frown up to him, daring him to say otherwise, because I know they do. It's hard not to, they don't even try to hide their mistrust towards me. I don't really care anymore though, but it still bugs me.

"They trust you Ezra, because I trust you. They're just not really fond of... changes, that's all." he smiles awkwardly and pats my back a little. "I understand your unease, if you want to stay back on the ship, you can. Nobody is forcing you to see this, you know that right? I know it can be hard, but you're strong and the things you've accomplished since we took you in are very admirable. I'm amazed by how you handled it, so if you need a break, you can take it, just say it." he said to me.

I've grown very fond of Obi-Wan. The first time I saw him I wanted him dead, but now I don't know what would I do without him. He's kind and caring, even when he doesn't have to be. He is admirable in my eyes. I'm not. I'm lying to everybody since I came here, but they just don't realize that. I don't know what's worse- my lying or the thought of them finding out.

"I'm all right, but thank you." I reply, and continue looking around the old building.

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We searched the whole warehouse, room by room, looking for the bodies belonging to the two unfortunate Jedi. I, of course, knew where they were, but I said nothing and pretended to look with them clueless as ever. I hoped we wouldn't find them, to be honest. I hoped I wouldn't have to see them, but when Anakin yelled that he found them, my hopes disappeared.

I headed towards the source of Anakin's voice, going through a dark hallway into a room, the room. As I neared, I could already smell the stench of decay and stopped immediately. I took in a big breath before peeking in.

Obi-Wan was already there, kneeling beside the body of the young Twi 'lek padawan. I wasn't sure if I even wanted to enter the room, afraid of what I'd see. Surely, I knew what I would see, but that's exactly it. Witnessing my sins all over again was not what I longed for, but if I ever wanted to sleep peacefully again, I had no choice.

I entered, passed Anakin quietly, coming to a stop right behind Obi-Wan and lowering my eyes to the corpse. I frowned at the sight, but didn't look away. I wanted to, but couldn't. The headless body of innocence, the dark side still swirled around it, never letting him rest.

"This is horrible." I whispered, while looking my work. That's right, this is my doing. I did this and I will never forgive myself for it. The worst thing is that it's not just them I killed. There were so many more, but these are special. The last ones are always the cruelest ones.

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A quiet thud was all there could be heard in the room when the body fell to the ground, followed by another one, when I threw the head down just a few inches before the Jedi master. I waited a little, letting the realization hit her, before walking up to the old woman. She was shaking like a dog, tears running down her face, as she watched the head of her apprentice roll towards her.

For a second I thought she might just lay down and accept the fate she must've known was coming for her, but I was mistaken. When she raised her head to look at me, I stopped in my tracks and examined her, to figure out her plan and smirked when I saw the sneer on her face.

She was furious. She got up, Force-calling the lightsabers of her and her padawan to her hands and ignited them, readying herself for a fight.

To be honest, with a composure like hers right now, it won't be much of a fight, but I will enjoy it much more than if she'd give up.

I always kill the padawans first. They are fierce, that is true, but the best part is their master's reaction, the way they lose themselves to avenge their little kids. It's ironic actually, they always speak of revenge like it's a bad thing, but when you kill the one's they hold dear, it's like they never heard such a thing.

So, I propered my stance and waited for her move.

She started to walk around me, but her hatred didn't let her wait for long and she lounged at me, going straight for my neck. Hah, nice.

I dodged by spinning out of the way and pushed her away. Her stance was strong though, so she stumbled only a few steps to the side and turned around quickly to deliver another blow. I blocked her and we locked blades for a short time, long enough for me to see her eye twitch. Yeah, she's losing it.

She pushed me back with a yell and hit me again, baiting me by going for my legs at first but lifting her green blade on the last second, aiming at my chest, but I saw it coming and blocked her attack once again. She seemed angered by this even more.

"You monster! What did you do! What have you to gain by this!" she screamed while trying to hit me over and over again, but breaking down at the end, her limbs losing their strength, her hits becoming slow and weak.

She's a fool, losing herself to gain such power, just to let go of it after a few seconds. I guess no all people are made for this, for survival.

I didn't acknowledge her words, instead I focused on the way she moved, and when she was about to strike again, I cut her right arm clean off.

She screamed in pain, but to my surprise she recovered very quickly and continued to fight. She has spirit, I give her that, but it's stretching out for a little too long for my liking.

I played with her for a little longer, before kicking her legs, making her lose her balance and slashing her across her chest.

She dropped her saber, the metallic clank echoed through the empty room, before falling on the floor herself. I stared at her messed up body for a few seconds, making sure she was dying, then I turned around and left.

For now, I was satisfied, but I knew it wasn't any part of me that felt this way, I was just reflecting the emotions of my master, that was surely watching. He's always watching.

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I moved my eyes forward when I felt Anakin moving there, just to see another rotting body, this one belonging to the female Jedi master, nothing but a mix of agony coming off of her, one of her external wounds, one of the internal pain, intended for her padawans death.

When I stood there, reflecting my memories, while watching Obi-Wan and Anakin taking care of the bodies, I saw it. I finally understood.

It wasn't me who did this, it was never me. When I came back home after every mission and cried for hours, hoping for an end, that was me, not this. This was the doing of Sidious, his manipulation. I would never do this, not before, not now.

Right there and then, I promised to myself I would never take an innocent life, not even in the most desperate of times. I won't repeat my mistakes, I won't let myself lose it and become a monster or a weapon of anybody ever again.

I will become stronger and better to save lives, not to take them. That's the difference between the Sith and the Jedi.