A Sith or a Jedi? - a STAR WARS fanfic

Long time no see

Days go by fast, mission after mission, I barely spend a day on Coruscant before leaving again.

It's sure to say that the War has reached its peak about now. I don't even train anymore, there isn't time for it. Anakin says that the best way to learn is by experience, so I guess one can see it as a positive, of sort.

I don't mind it too much though, with all the chaos going on lately, my mind doesn't drift off into unwanted thoughts and memories no longer, so that's a positive aspect as well.

Unfortunately, it cannot beat all the negative ones, the suffering, pain and death going on around me all the time.

I think it's been almost a year since the War began, although that hardly matters, it's still hard facing the casualties, knowing there was perhaps something I could do to prevent it. That's what I promised, isn't it? To protect and help people who need it. Obi-Wan reassures me daily that I'm doing a good job and all, yet I still feel like shit, like I didn't do my best.

I wonder if this feeling ever goes away. The guilt, shame and worthlessness. Of course, I know better than that. This is war, things like this are inevitable, but the irrational part of me keeps telling me otherwise. It sucks, I can tell you that much.

The missions aren't all that interesting, to be honest. It's pretty much the same over and over again. Come up with a plan, try to execute it, the plan doesn't work as well as we thought, scrap a bunch of droids, finish the mission the hard way, go see a medic and go back to action as soon as possible.

The last mission was on Geonosis, oh how much I didn't want to go back there... Our ship crashed a few clicks before the rendezvous, and Obi-Wan and I got hurt pretty badly. Thankfully, back up came soon after and we were sent straight inside a bacta tank for a few hours, before going back to help finish the battle.

Master Luminara and Mahina disappeared, and me, Obi-Wan and Anakin were sent to find them, which we did, inside some geonosian temple, ready to be possessed. We rescued them pretty quickly, but just as our luck goes, some of the brain-infiltrating worms got our and started to take our clones hostage.

We didn't realize this up until me, Ahsoka and a new Padawan, Barriss Offee, were in hyperspace. I swear it was just like out of a horror holomovie. We had to freeze the entire ship, almost dying ourselves, but it worked out afterwards nonetheless. And that's about the normal day for me now.

Before Geonosis it was Ryloth, but that's a whole another story. Long story short, we had to save some people, who were held on gun point. So, you can imagine it was more than hectic. Fortunately, we met a young girl, that took a liking to the clones, who helped and led us to them.

Now though, from what I'm reading, it would seem to be far more interesting mission I'm about to underwent, by Obi-Wan's side.

Today is exactly that one day I get to spend on Coruscant in between missions, and I already received another mission info.

MADALORE – DUTCHESS SATINE KRYZE – DEATH WATCH

Those three words that repeated in the report more than I would bother counting, those are the most important ones. And I know just why the Council chose Obi-Wan and me for this one.

I recall Obi-Wan mentioning sometime long ago a mission on Mandalore he was sent on with his master, but for some reason he never went into much detail, becoming too sensitive when I or Anakin asked for more. I'm not that dumb not to realize what must've happened there, but I never found out the truth, which bothers me eternally.

Anyways, whatever happened back then, I will most likely find out soon enough, considering...

Thankfully, the departure time is tomorrow morning, so I can get some sleep before then, if my mind allows it.