His brother

45. Chapter

Dallas, Texas
September

Four years ago

I sat at the window and absentmindedly watched the ugly weather. I was deeply immersed in my thoughts and did not perceive the surrounding world. Songs were playing in my ears, but the lyrics were lost on me. I leaned my head against the wall and heavy hailstones drummed against the window. The wind was so strong that the crowns of the trees bent from side to side.

I asked myself so many times, do I deserve all this?

After many years I was happy again - was I?

The last drop of happiness left me. I loved him so much. I didn't want him to leave. Hot tears streamed down my face and my heart was torn into tiny pieces again. I experienced it all the time. The same song of life over and over - I didn't enjoy it anymore.

I didn't like to keep going through the pain of a broken heart.

How much more can I do?

It wasn't enough - no.

I didn't know how much more I could handle. I wanted to run away somewhere far away and never come back. Living a peaceful life and putting my still broken mind in order. I didn't wish this on anyone and yet these things happened to me.

Is life like that?

Does life only deal such blows?

Does life have to give the most painful lessons? Why?

Can't life be peaceful without pain and suffering? I knew the answer, but I didn't want to say it. Life was like that once, I knew it. I wanted so badly to stay strong and not cry. It didn't work, my heart was bleeding and my soul was crying.

He was not a bad person. He just got involved with bad people, he said. I believed him - after all, he would never lie to me or hurt me.

The room lit up and I was startled. I quickly wiped my tears and turned my head to the intruder. I rolled my eyes and opened my mouth. I took the headphones out of my ears and put them on the table.

"Jacob? Jacob, what are you doing here?" I stood up in surprise and he turned away.

"Shan-Shannon, girl-girl," he stammered.

"What's wrong with you?" I frowned and measured him all over.

"Nothing? Won't you welcome me?"

"What are you doing here? Weren't you supposed to be in rehab?" he rolled his eyes and locked the door. "Jacob?" he laughed.

"I'm not going anywhere," he said firmly.

"Why aren't you going anywhere? You promised!" he shrugged.

"I changed my mind. I'm not going anywhere." I narrowed my eyes.

"But do you know what that means?" you measured me.

"Honey, you don't tell anyone."

"I'm calling the police, Jacob." I turned my back on him and took the cell phone in my hands.

"Oh, you're not going to call anyone." He walked over to me with a quick step and forcefully grabbed my wrist. My phone fell to the ground.

"Oh, it hurts! Jacob, it hurts!"

"You won't tell anyone, is that clear to you?"

"I'll say," I stood behind mine and he tightened his grip. He shook his head.

"Bad answer. I don't want to make you mad, Shannon. I will be merciless. I said don't tell anyone or you'll see." he threatened me.

"Ouch, Jacob, that hurts!" he grinned.

He grabbed me and threw me against the bed. He undid his belt and smiled like a fox.

"What are you doing?" I rolled my eyes.

"What belongs to me! You owe me!"

"I-I don't owe you anything." he's not a bad person - I repeated to myself. I've known him for so long. I've known him all my life, he won't hurt me.

"Isn't it? Well, I don't know, I don't know." he took off his pants and pulled off my sweatpants.

"Please, no! I'm going to scream!" he shook his head and pulled a gun out of his sweatshirt? For God's sake, I gasped.

"Are you sure?" I was in such a shock that I didn't notice how he approached me.

"Do you still want to scream?" he asked me and waved a gun in front of my eyes. I shook my head and he pushed it into me roughly. I closed my eyes and tears fell from my eyes.

"Obedient!" he stroked my hair and kept pounding me. It hurt so much. I was so disappointed in him. I believed in stupid ideas about the two of us. Nothing was real, he never loved me.

He took it from me, he took it from me!

I painfully waited for him to satisfy his drugged body and leave.

How is all this possible? Why is he like that?

My heart was beating wildly and wanted to jump out of my chest. After long agonizing minutes he finally got off me and got dressed. I curled up into a ball.

"This did not have to happen at all. If you want something from someone, don't wish for me!" and our good memories disappeared and remained behind the closed door through which he left.