You Only Live Once

Chapter 29

Mira was minding her own business, spending the little time she had before she needed to pack her things , on the astronomy tower, the one place that now that Sirius wasn't around felt entirely her own. She , honestly couldn't understand why more students didn't take advantage of the quite and the privacy it could offer, but she surely wasn't complaining.

The Slytherin friend group had a huge fight the night before and everyone was quite tense. Mira didn't know what fights with friends felt like, she didn't have many in her life and the ones she did had ended up leaving without warning. So, while sitting on the ledge of the astronomy tower and looking at the sky, she wished it remained that way. Because the feeling that came after a fight with you friends was awful. You don't know where to stand, what to say, who to talk to. Everything is tense and heavy. She had that weird urge to cry every time she thought about it but held herself back. She hadn't even understood why they had started fighting. Her and Pandora had walked into their common room the previous night after a picnic they had by the black lake and the boys were all shouting at each other. Mainly Theo and Regulus but Barty and Evan joined in as well. When Mira asked what was going on, Regulus just told her to 'fuck off' to which Barty , Evan, Theo and Pandora reacted with clear disapproval. Some expressed their disapproval more than others. Some being Theo ,who launched at Regulus and punched him right in the eye. It went downhill from there. Everyone took Regulus side and collectively decided to not speak to Theodore. But Mira didn't like taking sides, so she didn't. That's why she was on her own on the last night before the holidays. Because if she went back down it meant she had to decide between Theo and her friends, and she couldn't bring herself to do such thing.

"I knew I'd find you up here" a voice sounded from the entrance of the tower and Mira didn't have to look to know who it was.

"Well it's been-" but she didn't get to finish her sentence. Theo had sprinted forward and crushed his lips to hers without warning. As much as she didn't want to, she pulled back because a kiss wouldn't solve what had happened. "What has gotten into you?" Mira asked, with raised eyebrows, and she didn't only mean the kiss.

"That's all you want from me right? So I'm giving it to you. Take it Mira" he replied angrily, going in for another aggressive kiss.

"What are you talking about, Theo?"

"Funny you talk now, didn't have much to say last night did you?"

"I still don't know what went down. When I found you, you were already shouting at each other and then you punched him" Mira reminded him, standing up.

"I punc-. Were you not there? He told you to-" his anger was making his vision blurry. Or maybe it was tears. But no, it couldn't be. Theodore Nott wasn't someone who cried. "You know what. This isn't working anymore. I mean let's be honest, we always knew it wouldn't. I'm also getting married in six months so I need to get my priorities straight. " he ranted, avoiding any type of eye contact. Mira was at a loss for words. She knew he would have to get married , she knew they would have to break it off eventually, but she wasn't ready for that yet. She had actually secretly hoped, things would magically change. She hoped that he would take control of his life and not marry Christina. That he would be able to actually be with her at some point. That his drunken words weren't just words. She wanted them-no- she needed them to be real. Because she felt the same way , even if she would never admit it. She had thought, maybe she would be able to, in the future. But there was no future. "As you always reminded everyone all this was just for fun so...it shouldn't be difficult. I'll stay out of your life , you stay out of mine" he continued after a while, now turning his head to actually look at her.

"Stay out of my life?" she questioned, her eyes starting to water. "I never wanted that Teddy. I want you in my life." she said ,a singe tear escaping her right eye. She had never felt pain like that before. Heartbreak, like that before. And it was the worst thing for her to go through at the moment. "Please Teddy, don't do that" Mira was never one to beg, not directly at least, but she couldn't help herself at that moment. Losing Theo was something she never even thought of.

"I hate what I'm doing Mira. I hate it .And with the war going on..." he confessed, his features turning softer. And he did hate it . And most of all he hated himself for making Mira feel that way. Seeing her all sad and teary-eyed made something inside of him want to take everything he had said back. Oh ,how he wished he could get out of his arranged marriage and actually be with Mira. To whatever that might had led them. For a moment there he found himself getting closer to her, desperately wanting to hug her, comfort her. But it wouldn't be appropriate. Not when he was the reason she needed comforting in the first place. And then he remembered all the times Mira had said what they had was nothing, invalidating everything he ever felt. Which was quite a lot "But I have to" he continued, now taking a few steps away from her. "Goodbye , darling" was the last thing he said before he dissapeared from her view. And once he did, Mira's breath grew heavier. It was once again hard to breathe. It shouldn't be hard to breathe. You need to breath so you can live. She didn't think her heart ever felt heavier. The fight between her friends and now Theo breaking up with-. But he didn't. They were never together. And just like that every time he had suggested they become something more serious and she just said they couldn't, or laughed thinking it was a joke, came rushing back to her. The more she thought about the heavier her heart felt. It was all her fault. Mira had never felt more scared in her life. And she was scared. Scared of everything that would change. Because from that day on, everything would change. Almost an hour later her heartbeat had gone back to normal so she slowly walked to the common room. She had never experienced a walk as excruciating as the one she was taking at the moment. Because every corner reminded her of something. Something that used to be and no longer was. It was quite late so when she walked inside the Slytherin common room so she hadn't expected to find anyone awake. She hoped she could just sit in front of the fireplace alone and think. But luck wasn't on her side. She found Regulus at the couch in front of the fireplace, just like she had many times before.

'Where's everyone?"

"'Dory is at the Ravenclaw common room with Lovegood, Evan and Barty are in our dorm doing Merlin knows what and Nott... I saw him going upstairs with Christina" he informed without turning his head to look at her. When Theodore came in just an hour ago alongside Christina, Regulus could tell he wasn't well. So when Mira didn't show up he knew something went down between them. Something that hurt them both and would change many things. He decided to stay out of it, though. If Mira wanted to talk to talk to him, she was more than welcome to but he wouldn't say anything on his own.

Mira had still said nothing after his reply and the silence between them drove him crazy. There was never silence when they were in the same room, with all the bickering. So he turned around to see what caused her to remain silent. Mira was looking at the ground , her expression blank. Regulus still didn't say anything , although it pained him to see her, Mira, his friend, who would never stop smiling even in the darkest of times ,looking so torn. A while later Mira walked closer to Regulus, his eyes following her every move closely. She stood in front of him and opening and closing her mouth. She didn't really know what to say, she didn't know if she wanted to say anything.

"Reg.." she finally said in a shaky voice, her eyes starting to well up. That was the only thing needed for him to stand up and hug her tightly. She embraced his hug, burying her face in his chest before the tears started falling one by one. They just stood there until the tears became less and less.

"I don't deserve to cry. It was all my fault. I drove him away Reg"

"Mira, love. For once in your life just let yourself feel" he said sternly, looking into her eyes. At that moment of weakness she could've been with anyone. James,Remus, Lily, Pandora. But she had found herself with none other than Regulus Black who until that day she hadn't heard talk without a hint of sarcasm. It was quite refreshing. After a while they were comfortably laying, cuddled up, on the couch in front of the fireplace. Mira found his unexpected behavior quite comforting. Just what she needed for the night. So she embraced it. It was now four in the morning and none of them had said anything. But Mira's head was filled thoughts.

"Fuck it Reg" she said out of the blue.

"What?"
"Fuck it all. I'm gonna meddle. I'm going to change everything. This war will cost too much" she stood up from her previous position, making Regulus do the same. "I'm not willing to let things be anymore. I can't stand and watch. I've already lost-.I've got things to lose now too"

"Mira-"

"You won't go into that cave alone ,Reg. Not as long as I'm here. We're doing this together from now."