I'll Track You Down

Dressed in black

I told myself I wouldn't cry.

But here I am standing in front of her casket and there's nothing but tears dripping down my pale face.

The reception is held outside and the wind bites at my bare calves, and I'm thankful for my jacket.

The gray clouds suggest rain, but I couldn't care less. I just stand there staring mindlessly at the closed wooden box.

Caspian puts distance between us, giving me space, letting me say goodbye.

That's when Nye's parents rush up to me, both looking much different from her, their dark black hair and light blue eyes stand in contrast to Nye's red locks and honey brown eyes.

"Thank you for coming." Nye's mother says. "If you'd like to say a few words, now's the time." I nod slowly and look around at the courtyard full of people, some faces I recognize, others are strangers to me.

After Nye's family has finished talking they hand me the microphone, I wearlyly step up to the podium and keep my head lowered.

"We are all gathered here today to pay respects to a dear friend, a family member, and a warm hearted person. Nye and I grew up in the same orphanage, her kindness helped many who had been abandoned, forgotten and alone. She touched our hearts with a warmth we didn't know was possible, and even during her last breath she never stopped smiling, choosing to overlook the bad qualities and embrace the good with everyone she met. Her time with this world was cut much too short, and so I hope you all cherish the happier times you spent with her rather than dwelling on her absence."

I look around to see tear stained faces and eyes full of regret. "Thank you." I say quietly, as I step off from the podium.

A small applause starts but dies down quickly. Once I'm done talking all I want to do is leave, just the sight of all her family members and friends looking so sorrowful makes me feel nauseous.

I feel a small drop of rain on my forehead and look up to see the sky crying.

It's a slight sprinkle but rain nonetheless, no one seems to care.

I feel the rain stop much sooner than I expected and I look up to see black fabric instead of sky, Caspian is standing behind me holding an umbrella, I melt into his blazer soaking it with my tears.

It's pathetic to look at, but he's the only one I can cling to right now.

"It's okay Kali, you're going to be okay." He says, comforting me like I'm a baby, but I don't care and pull his jacket closer to me.

When I finally release him, he wipes my eyes with his thumbs. "Hey, I'm here." I look up at him, his face streaked with worry, all my doing.

I feel a twitch of guilt for what I'm about to do, but before I can pull out my phone to text Decker that I'm ready Caspian plants a kiss on my forehead. I take a step back,

"I'll be right back, Caspian." I say retreating into the rain, I open my phone and let the raindrops fall onto it as I text Decker to meet up with me in ten minutes.

When I walk back into the shadow of the umbrella Caspian looks at me with confusion. "Can we leave?" I ask shyly, not only because I need to get him away from this area but also because I can't stand being here a second longer.

"Yeah, Kali we can leave." He says putting a hand on my back, leading me away from the service and down the streets of our loud city, we stop at an isolated alley, it's not like the one that Nye . . .

"Kali, I'm really sorry." Caspian says dropping the umbrella under the protection of the alley.

"People die every day, I was just unlucky enough to experience it with a close friend." I say wiping tears from my eyes once more. "But like you said, I have you."