I'll Track You Down

Why are you sorry

Maybe he has felt this way this whole time, and I've just been pushing him away because,

Because.

I'm going to betray him, I'm going to send him away to rot in a jail cell or worse, become executed. Tears prick at my eyes once more, and

Caspian's face becomes blurry. I made that deal with Decker for the right reasons, and Caspian does deserve to pay for his crimes, but not like that.

Not after he changed, what do I do? Should I call Decker as soon as I get home and beg for him to spare Caspian from harm?

Maybe I should ignore Decker all together and just run away with Caspian, make sure he never finds out my past intentions.

"Why are you sorry?" He asks in the most understanding and confused tone I've ever heard. "And why do you cry?" It's only after he's asked that when I feel the tears stream down my face, but I don't break my stare, my breath stays the same, I sit there like a statue, not daring to move.

He wipes them off with all the gentleness he can muster, and takes a few steps back. I wish that he didn't because all the warmth starts seeping away, leaving me alone.

Again.

Caspian picks up on this and wraps me into a hug, I don't hug him back but he doesn't care.

I never thought of Caspian as a friend and I still don't think I do, but, I'm okay with letting him get a little bit closer to me than before.

I still hate everything he's done in the past, but he's still a good man. I remind myself that he used to work for the man that is responsible for Nye's death.

That does the trick. I push him away slightly and wipe my face with the backs of my palms.

"Thank you." I say shakily, I really am thankful but I'm not open to reciprocating the gesture and give him the best smile I can offer.

"You still didn't answer my question, Kali." He says taking the smallest step backwards. "Why are you sorry? You have nothing to be sorry about, you risked your life just being here, everything you're doing right now, your only gain is the possibility of finding a man that was responsible for your friend's death." He says gripping my hands. "So, please, I don't mean this rudely or irresponsibly, but think of yourself. If anyone should be sorry it's me, I had you go on this mission, okay?"

"You're right, Caspian." I say looking down, I don't give him the satisfaction of seeing me cry even more and turn away to focus on my hair again, he doesn't move a muscle. "Caspian, do you need something or are you just going to sit here and watch me brush through my hair?"

"Does it make you uncomfortable?" He asks in an annoyingly calm tone. Truly, it doesn't make me uncomfortable, but I have no doubt he's neglecting things that he has to do to stay here with me.

"Yes, it does." I lie. "Don't you have other things to worry about other than me?" I ask, hoping he'll take the hint and leave.

"I honestly don't, Aeron and his team are taking care of all the surviving members of the rival team, Willow is preoccupied with helping other patients, there's really nothing for me to do." I switch topics.

"Will you be taking me to Nye's funeral tomorrow?" That catches him off guard, I don't know if he's surprised by the topic change or if he's forgotten about the funeral all together. "You haven't forgotten have you?"

"That's not the case, I'm just concerned about how we're going to make that happen."

"You promised." I say, why would there be any problems at all with him getting me there.

"Kali, you can't get your stitches wet, you're the only one at risk here."

"I don't care about my stitches, I'll do whatever it takes to show up tomorrow. Are you sure there isn't another entrance?" I ask hopefully.

"I'm sure, but are you sure that you're willing to dive with your stitches?" Caspian asks. I wouldn't care if I had to sever my own hand off, this means the world to me, I nod at him, confidently.

"Whatever it takes, I'll be there." Caspian looks me up and down, I don't really care what his response is, it doesn't matter to me, I'll find a way, I always do."

"Well then, we'll just have to take extra precautions in making sure your stitches stay dry. We'll leave tonight." His words shocked me.

I expected him to put up at least some fight, but he seems just as drained as I feel. I smile up at him, my eyes doing all the talking for the both of us.

"Why would we leave tonight?" I ask, confused, I don't know exactly when the funeral is, but I don't understand why we'd need to leave tonight.

"I don't know why you'd know this but we were going to stay overnight to recover, but the funeral is in the afternoon and I don't know about you but I'd rather be back at home tonight and leave in the early afternoon rather than having to rush the dive tomorrow to get there on time." Caspian says.

I agree with Caspian, I'd much rather have the time to prepare myself in the morning rather than having to go diving right away.

"But what about the interrogating?"

"You've done more than enough today, Kali." Caspian answers.

"Sounds good, I just have one thing I need you to do for me." I say a little uncertain of how to phrase this request. "I need a black dress for the occasion, earlier when I looked in my wardrobe nearly all of the dresses were bright colors, the only others were white or pale pastels." Caspian looks a little flustered.

"No problem at all Kali, you shouldn't feel so uncomfortable asking for something like that." He says brushing my shoulder with his hand, for some reason I shudder at his touch now. "You must be cold, Kali." He says noting my shiver.

"Hold on, wait right here I'll go get you something." He says while speed walking out of the room, now that he mentions it I might've just been cold.

My hand goes to touch the tops of my feet.

"Yeah, I might've just been cold, my feet feel frozen." Deciding to work on my hair again I'm reminded of Nye's hair before she died.

Knotted like mine but bright as embers, I've always envied her silky straight hair over my thick, wavy mess.

By the time I've managed to pull all the knots out, Caspian is back in the room holding an oversized hoodie. "Here, this was all I could find." It's more than enough, and I gladly pull it down, over my shirt.

"Where did all these clothes come from Caspian?"

"We've always had some here, but this hoodie is mine." I immediately pull it off and shove it into Caspian's arms. "It's not like it's poisoned, besides," Caspian reaches out a hand and caresses my face. "Your body temperature is well below where it should be." His hand falls, and he shoves the hoodie over my chest once again.

"Thanks I guess."

"Don't mention it, Kali." He says with his trademark grin back on his face. "We'll leave in a few hours, your suit should be dry then." When Caspian leaves the room, I lay back down on the bed.

"Why did he give me his hoodie?" It's a simple question with a simple answer. "Because I was cold and he wanted to do a nice thing for me."

I answer myself, I shove all of my other thoughts away, Caspian is only using me to help his own team, but the rival group we attacked today wasn't as intimidating as I thought it was a little too easy.

I'll look into it later, only now do I notice how heavy my eyelids are getting.

I don't know what time it is but I let myself drift off to sleep.