Avadis - A legolas story (slow moving!)

Chapter 45 - To whatever end

"You are right" she began softly, "I have not been entirely truthful" She swallowed nervously, "But after you have seen such things, I suppose it is only fair to tell you, though I wish I would never have need to." Legolas gently squeezed her hand before letting go, leaning back slightly to listen to her.

"The reason I did not appear as myself was because to a certain degree... I was not myself." He frowned, folding his arms. Her memories were taken back to the battlefield, to the feeling of herself growing cold, numb. To the pain of his voice speaking into her mind. To her holding her hands to the sun to search for it's warmth only to be met with tingling ice. 

"This will not be easy for you to understand" she fidgited with the blanket, trying desperately to wish herself away from him but knowing that she had no choice but to face now who she was. "My people have this... ability... to understand the minds of creatures such as the trees and birds of the skies. We have always been this way, it was our gift used to speak with the eagles who watch over this earth. But when Sauron saw the power we possesed in our flight, he manipulated our abilities and turned them for his evil. He spoke into the minds of my people to such extent that they were no longer themselves, but he had taken over their bodies to do as he wished."

He did not speak, so she decided to continue. "This is the reason he took my people so easily, without a fight and without even their better judgement. He did not give them a chance to resist, instead he saw what he wanted and he took it. And in this same way he took over my own mind as you saw me on the battlefield. While I looked to be motionless, I was battling against him in my own mind. It was a battle I did not think I could win."

Avadis finished and took a deep breath, forcing herself to watch as Legolas stared blankly at her, comprehending everything she had told him. It was alot to understand, she knew this. All those weeks they had spent journeying together she had spent sleepless nights contemplating who she was, questioning everything she had known about herself. After such a long time working to gain the trust of these people, how was she able to turn around and confess that she was indeed the monster they believed her to be? 

"You knew all of this and you chose to come anyway?" He asked quietly, shuffling back from her slightly.

There it was, the fear taking over him. Now he was scared of her. Her heart sank as she nodded slowly. "I was going to leave. But after seeing how much you were willing to fight for freedom, I could not bear to go." A tear rolled down her cheek, which she quickly brushed away, "I do not know how to feel, Legolas. How can I walk out into a city on the brink of destruction knowing I may be the reason of their downfall. I do not know."

"You heard his voice that night in Rohan. I saw your face change as if you had seen a ghost." He looked at her in shock as he finally joined all the pieces of the puzzle together. "When he was there... you were gone. Transformed into a... a piece of him. I saw how it pained you."

She nodded, "I did not know any of it before then. Not about me, not about my people. It was not until so recently that I finally knew how they were..." She couldn't hold back her tears any longer, looking down to her hands as tears flowed down her cheeks, mourning the loss of an entire lifetime which had been stripped away from her. "How could he do such a thing" She sniffled, wiping her face with the sleeve of her gown. 

Without saying a word, Legolas wrapped his arms around her shoulders and pulled her towards his chest. "I'm so sorry." He whispered, leaning his head against hers. Avadis leant into him, wrapping her arms around her waist as her tears began to stop. 

"You must send me away now," she mumbled into his chest before pulling away and taking a deep breath in. She knew what was coming, she knew that he was going to tell her to leave and run away from him because she was a monster and a curse to this whole earth. "I cannot promise that I am safe as you asked of me. In fact the longer I remain here the closer to death I become. I am a threat to you and to this city, so send me away. I will go if you tell me." She forced a wobbly smile to appear on her face, trying to make him feel better for telling her to leave. 

"Avadis" he sighed, "do not think for a moment I would ever consider forcing you anywhere you did not want to be. That is not my decision nor my responsibility over you." When she looked at him, instead of anger or fear she saw that his eyes looked at her only with concern. He paused, looking down to his lap, "but you are correct in your judgement. If you were to ask my opinion then I would not wish you to be here a moment longer. But not because I am afraid of you, or because I think you are in any sense cursed or monsterous. Infact I do not want you for a moment to think those thoughts had even crossed into my mind, because they did not. I would only wish you to leave only because I..." he tried to finish his sentence, but could not find the words and instead chose to finish in silence with a small shake of his head as he lowered his eyes to the ground.

She looked over to him for a moment, her heart sinking as she understood his meaning behind his words. He cared for her, of course he did. "I know" she whispered gently, taking his hand and bringing his eyes back up to look into hers. "I know, Legolas. And I am sorry to bring this upon you. I know that I would be better off anywhere but here. But I need to prove that I am stronger than him for the sake of my people. And I know that facing him means my own death, but I have made peace with that within my heart. It has not been a decision I have made lightly, but it is a decision I stand by." 

Legolas swallowed and shifted slowly before looking back to her. He was obviously torn between his wishes for her to be safe and her admittance to him that she would not be. "Then let me stand with you" He held her hand tightly. "Do not go holding these secrets back any longer, I have seen how they have exhausted you in our journey."

"Legolas, I cannot promise you that I will survive this..." she began before being cut off by him.

"To whatever end Avadis. Like you have told us all." 

She sighed, looking into his eyes which stubbornly stared back into hers. After a moment she slowly nodded, before bringing him back for another hug, holding him tight incase it had all been a dream and she was going to wake up at any moment. 

"To whatever end," she whispered into his shoulder.

She had not considered that anyone would accept her after knowing her secrets, and yet he had surprised her in every possible way. And secretly she was glad he did not send her away, because she feared that leaving him in this moment would be too much for her to bear. She did not know yet why this was, but she did know that speaking with him had lifted a tremendous weight in her mind.