A Darker Love

Chapter Twelve- Facing Fears

School was torture. Literal torture. The first period was okay because it was just me painting in Art with a stern but fair Mr Harris watching over me with a smile.

"Wonderful Samantha, truly inspiring." He walked past me smiling and then started frowning again.

Painting had a calming effect, I don't know why but it just did. My head became clearer when I was in this class, I couldn't tell whether it was the painting or the fact that I was alone. Caleb did make me feel better and the heat between us was good but sometimes it was too much. I wanted him so badly but I had to keep strong and not give in to the temptation of kissing his soft, warm lips and feeling his fingers running through my hair. Even the thought of him now made my head fuzzy. I continued to paint but his face burned in head like a safety light, his cute little grin making me feel warm inside.

I went to my next class trying not to have a panic attack in the corridor. Kayla was waiting for me and biting her lip anxiously, she looked like she hadn't slept in a week. I took a deep breath and walked in, flashing her the fakest smile I could muster.

"Hey, Sam. How are you?"

"Hmm feeling a bit shit to be honest, but then again anyone would after being told their boring and then being left in the woods by their drunken friend." I sat down across from her instead of beside her.

She looked like I'd just slapped her in the face. "I'm so sorry Sam, really I feel awful about the whole thing, I really do."

"It didn't sound like it from the voicemail you sent me, you were too busy being fucked in the woods."

"Shhh!" She hissed and looked around. "Don't say that so loud! Yeah, it was good but then I looked for you and I couldn't find you anywhere. My mum was so angry when I told her I'd lost you, we looked everywhere for you and then when we couldn't find you she was going to call your Dad. I convinced her not to and covered for you but I was so worried, my mum's like a bloodhound so I thought that she would find you but when she didn't I thought you'd be kidnapped."

"Am I suppose to be glad you covered for me? We were too busy getting fucked by some guy while I was almost raped by Isaac!" I whispered to her angrily.

"What?!" She shouted so loud the whole class looked at her.

I sat on the seat beside her and filled her in with everything that happened with Isaac and she almost started crying. I stopped being angry and gave her a hug, I hated it when people cried it was one of my weaknesses to give in. The supply teacher gave us weird looks but we just laughed it off, almost back to our normal selves.

"So, who was the guy you fucked?"

"Shhh!" She looked around. "Promise you won't tell?"

"I promise." We exchanged little pinky handshakes and grins.

She looked around again and whispered in my ear. "It's Matt, Matt Homes."

It was my turn to shout. "What?!"

Matt is one of Kai's closest friends and a known druggy, he wasn't there when Kai was bullying me in the street but that didn't mean me was nice to me. He use to shove me in the corridors sometimes and called me a lot of stuff that Kayla had witnessed first hand. Would in god's name what she like him? He had fucked almost every girl in our year as well.

"He's changed since then, those were dark times for him. He's off the cocaine and he's not friends Kai anymore."

I shook my head. "You can do whatever you want with him Kayla, by now I really don't give a shit."

"Don't say that! Look, I really like him and I actually think this could be a thing."

"Well, you can go sit with him at lunch if you like him so much."

She looked like she was about to cry again. "Sam... I know he hurt you and he has a dodgy past but hes changed, he really has. I really like him Sam, please understand that."

"Are you two officially dating?"

"Well, no. He wants to keep it on the down low for right now."

I rolled my eyes. "Well, there's a surprise!"

"He cares about me, I know he does."

I nodded sarcastically and rolled my eyes again. "When do you actually talk to him?"

"He's in my Chem class, he sits beside me and always makes me laugh. He's really sweet actually and he's really good at Chem so he always helps when I'm stuck at something."

"I bet he does."

She ignored me. "And hes so cute when he goes into his "Chemistry Trance", he gets really passionate about it and stuff. I was so happy when he asked me if I wanted to go to the bonfire with him, thats why I was so eager to go and I wanted you to come with me so you could meet him."

"Like I'd do that."

"I think if you actually got to know him and he apologized to you you'd actually like him, he's a bit like Caleb-"

"No. Don't you dare. He's nothing like Caleb. Caleb is nice and would never do anything to hurt anyone so don't compare him to Matt."

"Okay, maybe they are different. I meant their the same because they both really care about someone, like I know Caleb really likes you and Matt really likes me. Please Sam, I really like him."

"Oh, I know you do but I still don't trust him. You can do whatever you want with him but don't expect me to like him."

"I didn't expect you to, but thanks for your sort of blessing." She hugged me tightly but I didn't return it, I shrugged. I felt so broken and disappointed like I'd just lost two of my closest friends forever...