sim.jaeyun → macarons & motorcycles

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And that dreaded day came, though the two of us fought against any force of time, tried to make the most of what we had, I think the worst sensation was the fact I woke up with a cold space beside me, and that eerie, empty feeling in the room.

I sat up, looked around for any sign that he was still here, but it was as if I was imagining things and he never came here at all.

I was frustrated, hell, I was beyond frustration at that moment, but I suppose I came to terms with it pretty quickly.

I thought he had left with no further words, that everything said last night was final, but approaching the desk in the room, I noticed a few things organised in a pile together.

A folded piece of clothing, then a gift box, then a folded piece of paper.

I shift aside the two things at the top, and took the folded piece of clothing. My heart sunk heavy, crashing through storeys of floors in this hotel, through to the core of the earth just seeing one of his hoodies in my grasp.

I bit my tongue lightly, trying to suppress this clanging feeling in my chest, but regardless of how much I tried to concentrate the pain elsewhere, It continually insisted.

And it got worse as I just opened the gift box, revealing a handmade bracelet, with shells from the day we went to the beach, the central shell was the one he initially put on his sandcastle, portraying him.

I had a foolish smile on my face, just tracing my thumb across each individual bead, and eventually shells. I put the bracelet on my left wrist, just admiring it for a while, before reaching for the dreaded folded piece of paper, that literally screamed at me to not even dare open it.

But I made the mistake of doing so.

'Ji-eun,

I would tell you to move on and forget me, but in hell do I want you to, I want you with me, here, now, tomorrow, the week after. Don't dwell too much, and eat well, by the time you realise, you'll be back in my arms once more, and we can walk down the beach together, maybe with more time.

I wish I had the courage to tell you this yesterday, or whenever the time was right between us,

but I love you, and will always, whether it's a few years from now on, or a month later.

Get back home safely, and preferably make more music, cause I want to hear your voice more often.

I love you

Jake.'

My breath hitched at the last few sentences, and although a meek smile traced my lips, it still didn't feel like I could really imagine my life without him.

It could be by next year that we can be back together, or luckily enough, a month. But it's very unlikely that either of those options will be the one.

I think the worst thing in human existence is the idea of 'moving on'. Arguably, it's harder than a lot of the adversities life throws your way, how can someone just move on from something they just so desperately, wanted so bad?

With a thick lump forming at the back of my throat, I folded the note back to how it was originally folded, taking the box, hoodie and note, and placing it neatly into my bag.

It was time to come back to my normal life, and live on as if I didn't even know who Jake was in the first place, and that hurt more than ever.

I packed my stuff swiftly, checking out of the hotel and made my way towards the bus stop I initially came from. I took a pretty obscure route to the bus stop, in fear that I will bump into someone I know, like Siwan, and he'll ask me about Jake, or whatever.

But it seemed like nobody was even up, it was silent, and every thirty minutes a car just passed by, relatively slowly.

And then the bus arrived, and here I was, pretty much reliving my life on a bus journey.

I had to come back to work, face Yoonsik and his antics, and of course, see my brother.

My head was leant on the bus window, not even staring out at the passing by houses, roads, streets, trees or anything of the sort. I just kind of, spaced out and pondered, in a deep sense of thought.

And by the time I knew it, the bus had stopped, majority people had gotten off, and I felt that heavy feeling pile on top of me as I walked my way back home.

As I approached my own house, I stopped for a moment, glancing over to Heeseung's house, and to my own surprise, it hosted two motorcycles at the front.

I paused, wondering whether it was worth just waiting to see if he comes out, but I cut my focus back onto my wrist, spacing out for a second.

The door of his house opened, and laughing was heard from afar. My head immediately perked up to look at who it was, and whether I could see his face again.

But to my own disappointment, it was one of Heeseung's other friends for a change.

With my great burden of annoyance and dismay, I dragged my bag to the front of the door, juggling to find my keys, when a voice called out my name.

"JI-EUN!! YOU'RE BACK!! HEY!! DON'T IGNORE ME! I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD!!!!"