sim.jaeyun → macarons & motorcycles

44

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Oh, never have I been so wrong in my life.

I surely thought that only a few people would pay attention to me, just like the others, but no, clearly not. Clearly everybody collectively agreed to just focus on me the moment I come on.

Really guys? Are we serious?

Despite the confidence in my walk up to the microphone stand, I was the furthest from confident. The lights slightly dimmed onto me, creating this sultry, seductive lighting on me.

Both the dress and the lighting of the stage really forced me to act like someone I wasn't.

I could feel it before I saw it, the quiet tension of eyes waiting, curiosity thick in the air. No one knew who the 'surprise act' was.

 Just a name - my name. The one I sang under. The one I kept hidden like nobody's business.

And tonight, I was about to peel everything back.

A stagehand gave me a slight nod. My cue.

I exhaled once. Slowly. My fingertips grazed the microphone as I stepped onto the stage, the hem of my black satin dress whispering along the floor. The spotlight hit me, hot and sudden, illuminating my bare shoulders and the curve of my neck. I heard the crowd go quiet, the hush so sharp that I could feel it shock my heart.

I let them look.

The music began, soft, slow, sultry. My voice followed, low and breathy, wrapped in silk and precious jewellery.

Conversations stopped. Heads turned. The slow clink of glasses went still.

 It was happening, the shift. That sharp little hush that always came right after the first line. The moment when they weren't just listening, but they were falling.

Their eyes clung to me, wide and searching. And I gave it to them, I gave it my all, it came directly from my heart, every word that had left my lip, tainted with a shaky quiver that was inaudible to everyone else but me.

I let my voice drip from my lips like honey and heartbreak. My fingers gripped the mic like it was holding me up, the words pouring from me, velvet-coated but bleeding underneath.

I let my gaze float lazily across the room. Probably a mistake of mine, actually, a grave mistake.

As one familiar face turned into many familiar faces, and now I was battling with myself to continue without letting my feelings take over.

Every one of their heads were turned to me, fingers loosely curled around a glass of some sort, they were lost in a trance - completely.

My breath faltered, just for a second. Not enough for anyone else to notice, but I felt it. Like the stage had tilted and the floor didn't know where to settle. My eyes locked with his, and it was like I'd stepped on live wire.

Now it felt like I was singing every lyric directly to him. Him, the one who was sat between Yeju and Heeseung. The one who left me that letter, the one I saw with his arm around Yeju.

Was it really that easy to move on? And I was just hung up on a moment that was never going to exist anyways?

Between a brief pause in my lyrics, I let out a barely-there sigh, it was the kind of disappointed but stitched with regret sigh. It escaped my lips and unravelled through the air, gently cutting through the audience.

I could see Yeju's face falter.  From that annoying smile of hers, to a bewildered and almost confused face. As if she realised that the person she had listened to for so long, was really the person she hated the most.

I continued singing, diverting my attention to anywhere but that table. But it seemed as if my eyes instinctually just crawled back, as if they decided they belonged there.

And there, I met his eyes again.

Jake's eyes were softer, he looked tired, maybe I haven't seen him in so long, but something about him was different - and I just couldn't tell.

He wasn't focused on anything else but me, he didn't pick up his glass even once after I walked on the stage. It's the small things I notice about him that annoy me.

Why is it so easy for him to just go along his day, yet I'm still here unraveling him like a puzzle.

Regardless of my feelings, I let the song finish, my last words softly escaping my lips, and with that, I placed the mic back onto the stand, followed by applause and whistles.

I didn't even look over back at the table, instead, gave a slight bow, and head off the stage. I walked around the stage, and my next plan was to just leave.

I had no further purpose being here, despite every fibre in my being telling me to just wait, to stay, to give it one more shot and see what happens.

But I simply gave up. Today, was the day that I officially gave up.

With no other option but to walk past their table, I kept my head faced forth, strutting my way past them with this stupid sense of false confidence. I could most definitely see them all turn their head at me as I blatantly ignored them, simply as if they didn't even exist.

Up until, my brother spoke.

"Ji-eun! Are you okay?" My heels came to a slow, and badly, so badly I just wanted to ignore him.

I looked back at him, but my gaze wasn't even focused on Heeseung, instead, the fact that Yeju was leaning her head on Jake's shoulder, while Jake was staring at me.

But thankfully, thank every piece of pride I had left in my body, my pace continued after that brief momentum shift, and without even giving an answer, I pushed the door to the exit.