sim.jaeyun → macarons & motorcycles

45

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The door clicked shut behind me with a heavy finality, sealing off the warmth and the noise of the club.

The air outside felt heavier with every step, like each breath was pressing something deeper into my chest. I wrapped my arms around myself, more for comfort than warmth, and kept walking.

Sure, call me a stupid woman for walking out at night like this. But truthfully, I'm sure no kidnapper would want to interact with me in such a bad mood right now. Maybe another day.

One block. Two. Three.

The sounds of the city blurred around me, distant cars, a gust of wind stirring fallen leaves, the thrum of bass bleeding from a club door that wasn't mine.

I could still feel the weight of their eyes on me. Still feel Jake's silence lodged in my head like some kind of grave punishment.

But I didn't turn back.

I just walked until the streetlights stretched thinner, until the noise gave way to something quieter, colder, lonelier. Until I couldn't feel my hands anymore.

Then I stopped.

Not because I wanted to. 

Because I couldn't move anymore.

The adrenaline had burned out, and all that was left was static. My heels sank slightly into the cracks in the sidewalk as I stood there, arms still wrapped tight around my waist like I was holding myself together.

I looked up. The sky was inky, just like my dress, starless, moonless, the kind of night that didn't offer comfort or meaning. Just empty space, kind of how I felt like right now.

A sigh escaped before I could stop it, slow, trembling, worn out. It clouded in the air in front of me, a little ghost of breath that vanished before it could reach anything real.

I felt like I sung every feeling and heartache in my song, but it still felt like nobody was listening. 

And still, I didn't move. I don't even know if my feet wanted to, at this point, I was over everything and I just continued staring at the black sky.

And oh - what's this?

Small specks, very small, very infrequent specks of water hit my bare skin. And I looked up, not like I could see anything, but I just wondered as to whether the world truly wanted to make me feel horrible. 

It wasn't heavy, but it was small enough and noticeable enough to annoy me.

I ran my fingers through my hair, giving a sigh as I ignored the pain in my heels. I turned back facing the direction I was initially heading to, and my first step, was echoed by some kind of shout.

I thought I was genuinely losing my mind - did all this heartbreak cause me to develop schizophrenia? What the hell?

I placed another heel in front, and I swear, on everything, another shout of my name was heard. To at that point, I began to get seriously concerned for my own mental health.

Just as another test, I placed another foot in front, beginning to slowly walk forward. But there was nothing but silence.

Hm, okay? Strange.

"JI-EUN!" A yell of my name, with such desperation I almost wondered who this possibly could be.

I spun around, my body coming to a full halt. The moment I saw him, him - who I genuinely thought I would never interact with again, running towards me, with urgency like never before.

I was tempted to walk away, I was trying with every fibre of my being to just ignore him. If he wants to move on, so be it, but I want to move on too.

Somehow, I just can't.

And at the same time, I don't hate myself for it.

Jake stood before me, panting heavy, his lips pink and parted, his eyes glittering and staring at me with some kind of purpose.

It almost seemed as if the droplets of rain became coming down heavier. I don't know, was I really focused on the rain? Not really.

We both exchanged the same look.

We both had so much to say, yet none of it could verbally come out. It just wasn't working for either of us. 

So, I suppose we resorted to just staring at each other, our gazes speaking ten million words more than any of us could say.

"Ji-eun." Was the first word that broke the tense silence between us.

I watched him, every movement in his face, every blink, every time his eyes slightly wavered over my face. The way he swallowed, everything, even in this dim light, I observed this man like a book.

"Jake." His name left my lips quietly, "You shouldn't have followed me."

His eyes flickered, and he swallowed hard again.

"I know. Yet I'm here." It was at least good to know that I wasn't the only one with this random force pushing me to him.

"Why?" My words became frailer by the second, I don't know how or why, they just did.

The rain that began to pour heavier didn't seem to bother us. My hair that I made sure was styled to perfection was beginning to get wet, and his did too.

"I couldn't watch you walk away and do nothing. You didn't even stop to look at me." Jake tilt his head slightly to the side, just observing my face and whatever I'm about to say next.

I look to the side as a brief break from all this eye contact, a gentle exhale leaving my lips before turning back to look at him.

"What makes you think I want to look at you and Yeju?" I give a scoff, folding my arms as water droplets dripped down my collarbone. He watched as one ran down before returning his gaze back to my eyes.