Fuck you (not) (an applemedia fanfic)

📻radio-demon📻

I don't think I could ever explain to hell how much I cannot stand this short man who stands before me, grinning at me.
"What's the matter, bambi? Can't handle the truth?"
He and I never get along.
We never will.
Garunteed!

"Oh please, how could I believe in a king who's only five' two."
His grin drops and turns into an annoyed expression.
"I am not listening to somebody who's only as tall as he is because he's an overlord! You were probably just as short as a human!"
I chuckle.
"Actually I was 6'5 when I was living" I bend down to his height. "You wouldn't know what that's like though, would you?"
"Thats it!"
He lunges toward me, alerting Charlotte who was absolutely sick of our arguing.
"Dad!" She yells, running toward us.
I wrestle him to the ground, pinning him to the floor.
"For a man who is known as a snake on earth you aren't nearly as slippery as one would think."
"I will snap you out of existence!" He argues.
"Do it." I lean down closer, which oddly, shuts him up.
"Al-! Get off of him!" Charlie says.
I get up off the ground, dusting my suit off.
"You guys seriously need to knock it off!" She lectures.
"Blame him!" The king rants.
"Me?? You're the little roach that started it!"
"I am not a roach!"
"SHUT...UP..!" Charlie yells.
We glare at each other, but nonetheless I take a step back.
"Seriously! I've had enough with the arguing! You both need to learn to get along!"
"Eh, they both just need to fuck it out."
We all look over at adam, who's conveniently sitting on the couch.
"I beg your FINEST pardon??"
"Sexual tension at it's finest,"
"I will tear your soul apart!"
He grins. "Okay."
"No- Al-" charlie stops me.
I look over at Lucifer who's gotten silent.
What a weirdo.

"Whatever. I'm going to rosies, where it conveniently doesn't contain either of these buffoons." I turn to leave, hearing the king mutter something under his breathe.
Neither of us will let the other have the last word, which causes arguments to just keep going.
Eugh.
I walk out, heading down the sidewalk, passing by the Vees tower.
Disgusting.

I head toward the emporium, opening the door for one of the cannibals I'm familiar with, as I follow her in and make my way to the counter where rosie resides.
"Hello my dear!"
"Al! How are you!" She comes out from behind the counter, giving me a hug I slightly reciprocate.
"I'm well, and you?"
"Just dashing! It's so much easier to run a business free from exterminations!"
"Ha! Ha! Well couldn't have done it without the help of your wonderful town!"
She heads back behind the counter, helping out a cannibal.
"What brings ya here? Don't you have to help run the hotel?"
"Eugh. I needed a break from that oaf, Lucifer."
"You don't like the king? Whats not to love? He's adorable! Must be where charlie gets it from!"
"He's annoying. And short." I say.
Rosie laughs. "Al you really do crack me up! I'm sure he ain't that bad..he's been through plenty with Lilith leaving and the whole banishment from heaven, I'm sure he just needs a friend."
"Well it won't be me. Absolutely not!"
She sighs, "and why's that? You done making friends down here after what happened with-"
"Dont."
"You can't stay mad forever."
"I can and I will."
She chuckles a bit. "So stubborn..here." She grabs a bouquet of flowers. "Give this to charlie will ya? She mentioned them being her favorite!"
I take the bouquet.
"Alright. I guess I'll be off then."
"Bye dear!"
"Bye."

I head back down the sidewalk I came from, passing the Vee tower once more.
Ick.
Once I step inside the hotel I look for charlie, it's quiet.
Did she take the sinners out for another "field trip" ?
Whatever.
"Al!"
I sigh, turning toward the voice.
"Hello adam."
"Who are those for? Lucifer~?"
"Not that it's any of your business but theyre from rosie, for charlie."
"Who?"
"The mayor of cannibal town? Major overlord? One of my best friends?" He looks dumbfounded. "She's here, all the time—"
"Nope! Doesn't ring a bell! Is she hot?"
"I will snap your neck if you dare put your disgusting hands anywhere near her."
"Relaaaaaax."

Charlie and angel walk in, thank satan.
"Charlotte, rosie has sent these for you,"
"Oh! Thanks Al! They're so pretty!"
She takes the flowers from me happily.
Least someones in a good mood.
Now, I take my leave up to the solitude of my room.