We found us | Book 1

I don't know

Evi:
"Uhm," Bill stammers.
"Is it bad? Are you breaking up with me again?"
"No! Of course not." He walks closer to me, putting his arms around my waist.

"Then what is it? Just tell me."
My hands are resting on his arms and I tilt my head a little to make eye contact with him.
He bites his lower lips, looking for the right words.

"Me and Tom are, uhm," he stutters a little.
"We are going to move."
"Ow," I say, relieved. "why didn't you just tell me?"
"Because," he pauses for a few seconds, breathing out deeply. "We are moving to LA."

I let go of him, taking a step back.
"LA? As in, Los Angeles?"
He nods. "Yeah.."
"Why?"

"It's getting to much here. We can't even go to the store or walk in the city, go to the club. None of the things we used to do are possible anymore. And it's getting worse everyday."
"But," I stammer. "We can move somewhere else in Germany? Or move to Belgium or-"

"It's the same." He interrupts me. "moving somewhere else in Europe is not an option."
"So you are breaking up with me." I say, more as an affirmation than a question.

"No, I'm not." I look at him, fighting against the tears who are burning in my eyes.
"How? This will not work when you are in LA and I am here in Germany."

He takes a step towards me, taking my hand in his. "That's why I want you to come with me."
"Come with you? To Los Angeles?"
"Yes."

"I can't. I can't just leave everything behind. I'm going to school, I have friends and family here. I-" I stop talking, feeling his hand squeezing mine a little harder. "When will you leave?"
I look at our hands and enterwine my fingers with his.

"In two weeks."
"What!?"
"Come with me." He puts a soft kiss on my lips. "Please."
"I can't." I say, closing my eyes briefly.
"I can't." I whisper, my lips touching his.
"Just think about it, please."

I wanna scream 'YES' but I can't. I just can't. After everything that happened, I can't just move with him, not all the way to LA.
"Okay, I'll think about it."

One week later:
"When are Bill and Tom leaving?" Alicia asks me, as she puts a glass back in the shelf.
"In six days." I sigh. Six days.. I repeat in my head.
"Why don't you just go with him? If things go wrong you can still go back."

"It's not that easy. I can't just move. I don't even know him that long and so many things have happened already." I sigh, again, more deeply this time. "And I have school in two months."

"You can go to school in LA, I guess." She shrugs her shoulders.
"It's very different in America, I'm not sure I want that."

"So you are breaking up with him?"
"I don't know. Am I? He is the one leaving. He can't just expect me to follow him."
"He can't, no. But you could do it anyway."

"Would you?" I look into her eyes. "Would you move to the other side of the world for someone you don't even know that long?"
"Hm," I can see her thinking. "I don't know, maybe I would."

Her answers makes it even harder for me. Should I go with him? Even when it feels wrong. It's not that I don't wanna be with him, but I don't wanna leave everything behind.

My shift is over, finally, and I walk home.
And like usual, people are following me, asking me questions about the twins, about Georg and Gustav.

It takes me a while to get home, and I slam the door in some random persons face.
I sigh deeply as I throw my keys on the kitchen table.
"Hi," Brenda says, a little shyly.
"Hi," I sigh again. "Is Nick home?"

She shakes her head. "Not yet, your mom let me in."
I nod and get myself a glass of water.
"You want something?" I turn to her briefly.
"No, thanks."

It stays quiet for a few minutes, until Brenda starts a conversation, a little awkwardly.
"When are they leaving?" She asks, referring to Bill and Tom.
"In six days."

"Have you decided yet? Will you go with him?"
I sigh, again, tired of everyone asking me the same question over and over again.
"I dont know."

"I understand." I look at her confused.
"If you wouldn't do it." She continues. "Move to LA, I mean."
"Why?"
"Because it's a big desicion."

From all people, Brenda is the one who understands me? I think to myself, a little surprised.
"I know," I sigh. "I don't know what to do. I love him, but.."

"I don't know," I play with my necklace and stare in front of me. "Everything inside me tells me not to do it, and I don't know why. I don't even know him that long, I'm only 19. I honestly don't think I can handle moving that far away."