Starting Over: rewrite

Engagement Parties and Truth Serum

I hope you all enjoy this update. It was so much fun to write.

Ella's POV

"Eloise, darling, you outdid yourself. You did not have to bring all of these back for me." Lily gushes over the fashion I brought back for her from my last work trips in Europe.

"It was no trouble at all. Plus, so many designers were asking about you and begging me to bring their pieces for you." I tell her.

"Well, I will send out thank you notes to them promptly." Lily has a big smile on her face, which is a first in a while with everything she's been through.

"I also wanted to come over and ask for some advice."

"One of my kids is asking for my advice. That is something that rarely happens." Lily jokes.

"Was it hard being in love with two men at the same time?" I just came out with it right away. She looks stunned at my question.

"Oh...well, being in love is hard, and adding another person into the mix, well, it makes it very challenging. Why are you asking this?"

"You were still in love with Rufus when you were engaged to my father. You even slept with Rufus the night before your wedding." Lily fiddles with her ring. "How were you able to do it?"

"Um...Eloise, that was a very difficult..."

"Sorry, I do not mean to offend you. And I am not passing judgment. I just...a few weeks ago after the Pink Party, Nate was waiting outside my house. I let him in, and after putting Palmer to bed, we talked. He continued confessing his love for me and apologizing for everything he had done wrong. Besides Carter, I have never been hurt by someone like Nate hurt me and...yet that night, I let Nate kiss me, and I kissed him back." I share my secret with Lily. She reaches over and holds my hands as she notices how worked up I am getting over this. "I hated Nate for everything he has done to me. For leaving me for everyone else. I...but Colin is nothing like that. Colin gives me unconditional love, stability, respect, and...yet I kissed my ex." I look up at my mother, needing her to give me guidance. "You loved Rufus, and he was willing to be with you despite your agreement to marry my father. And yet you still chose to marry my father. Why? I want to know why you still chose my father when... you've always loved Rufus."

"It's true that Rufus and I have always had this deep connection. One much like yours with Nate is rooted in a lifetime of knowing one another. But I want you to know that when I married your father, it was because I loved him. I loved him very much and...sometimes love is not meant to last."

"You chose Rufus in the end." I point out.

"Yes." Lily looks ashamed, but she has no reason for it.

"This could offend you, and I am sorry for that, but...I do not want to expose Palmer to too many of my boyfriends. I...I want her to have a good male role model in her life and..."

"You don't want to be like me." Lily says.

"I'm sorry." I apologize to her. "I'm sorry mo...I..." She pulls me into a warm hug.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, my darling." She places kisses on my cheek. "You have every reason to worry about the people you expose Palmer to. I...it is one of the things I admire about you as a mother. You are doing what I should have done as a mother to a you child." She holds my face in her hand. "You are protective of your child as any good mother should be. I wish I didn't marry as many times as I have. Because now I know how detrimental those relationships were to Serena and Eric."

"I'm afraid I'm messing Palmer up now." I share. "I fear I can't keep a stable relationship and...she has no idea what one looks like and..."

"Darling, all parents worry they will mess up their child. It is inevitable." She assures me. She wipes away my tears. "You spend more time with Palmer than I ever did with Serena or Eric at her age. And you work full time and still you are very present in their lives. I thought I was doing what was best for them, and I realize now that there were things I could have done differently. Should have done differently. We cannot turn back time, but we can work on ourselves. I'm still working on myself, but I know this. You are not messing Palmer up. She is surrounded by people who love and care about her because you have made sure of that. When you have to travel for work, you have an endless list of trusted friends and family who can watch her, which is something I did not have for Eric and Serena." Lily shares.