It has been forever since I last wrote in here and things have been really good. My second semester of college has been stressful, but good. G had started dating Kevin and he seemed pretty awesome. She is an idiot for cheating on him, so now he's gone. I already wish they were still together because he seemed to affect G positively. He motivated me and gave me a new perspective on life.
Anyway, lately I have been struggling with depression. I am trying really hard not to let myself get submerged in that hole again. I think I need to start being more independent and even work out because I honestly think losing weight will help. I have just been getting sad a lot. I think it has to do more with the fact that I haven't been feeling good enough. I often feel this way around Tia. It's like no matter how often G screws up, I still am the one who's fucked up. The sad thing is that I have felt like this is all my life and I am only realizing it. I just want someone, a mom, to hold me on a pedestal and say "Good job, You have no idea how proud I am of you", but that has never happened. I am grateful. I really am. I just feel so empty sometimes.
The thing is, I do have a past of contemplating suicide. But the truth is, even past the worst of my depression, I still think about it everyday. I know I will never be strong enough to do it, but the thoughts are still there.
This has gotten sloppy, but I needed to write this down. I am going to try harder from now on at living the life that I have always wanted. I just want to be happy.
Ps. This is probably the first time I have written mid-day. It is 4:31pm! Well until next time!
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After Senior Year.
Non-FictionJune 30th, 2014. My life has always been a mess. From bullies constantly pushing me to the ground to my family pulling me in so many directions I begin to fall apart. This isn't just about all the terrible things I've dealt with, but also the amazin...
