He called me Gabi, when we were both drunk as fuck and I had started to give him head. "Fuck..Gabi", he moaned. And I tried to ignore it and keep going, but he stopped me. He felt terrible. He apologized over and over and asked if we could just cuddle again. I understand that that is going to happen. He's had feelings and been in love with other girls. I haven't. He's my first love so I don't know what any of that is like. I get these shitty thoughts like, would it have been better if I was Gabi? Does he sometimes wish I'm her when he's fucking me. Was she better at it then me. Probably, I'm sure she's had more experience. I need to stop. Stop comparing myself to his exes and what they offered him and only worry about what I can offer him. I just want him to be happy so much I push aside things that make me happy or I don't bring up the things that make me unhappy. I hesitate with everything scared to argue or make him upset or make him ask me to leave. I love him. I need to put everything aside and focus on me a little and being the best me I can be for myself. If I can be happy within myself maybe our relationship will benefit from it. I'm done being sad. I'm done worrying about his exes, the future, my appearance, whether I'm good enough. I just need to be good enough for me. At this moment, I feel so much better. I need more orgasms too, that's been getting me down a bit. I need to start masterbating again. Im going to try to write more often because I always feel so much better afterwards. I feel pretty good now. Going to clean and shower soon.
Until next time.
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After Senior Year.
Non-FictionJune 30th, 2014. My life has always been a mess. From bullies constantly pushing me to the ground to my family pulling me in so many directions I begin to fall apart. This isn't just about all the terrible things I've dealt with, but also the amazin...
