These past few months have been horrible. I hate all of them so fucking much. I was raised to never wish death upon a person, but I know the only way they would ever leave me alone is if they all die. Drug addicts will never understand when they are high. I've learned that countless times over the years. Here I am sitting in my kitchen sobbing and have an anxiety attack, and my family is just in the other room not caring. I feel like as mentally fucked up as I am I am the only sane one in the house. I want it all over so fucking bad.
I am in the process of dropping some classes. Something I never thought I'd do. I have always been "perfect". I am so far from perfect. I haven't been able to get work done because my brother has been coming around again and I feel anything but safe around him. There's no way I will pass my class so I either need to drop or fail it. I feel like a failure but I'm keeping it together as best as I can. I know it's just one or two classes, but school is everything to me. I'm a mess.
I'm writing here now because I know it has been a long time since I have written in here. And writing usually helps my attacks.
I went to the doctor today for my anxiety, but she just wants me to go on medication. I don't like medication. I want a emotional support animal, she said that's a last resort even though I already have my dog which offers me emotional support.
My attack is nearly over. I guess I will try to sleep know he is just in the next room. I'm so so so sorry there hasn't been anything positive in here. I write this journal for myself online where I can never lose it. I know there are some people who read it though and for that I apologize. But if any of you are reading and ever need anyone to talk to know you can private message me.
Until next time,
Len
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After Senior Year.
Não FicçãoJune 30th, 2014. My life has always been a mess. From bullies constantly pushing me to the ground to my family pulling me in so many directions I begin to fall apart. This isn't just about all the terrible things I've dealt with, but also the amazin...
