Today I go on my first plane ride. I get to go to Minnesota and see Nathan which is pretty fucking awesome.
But let's back track to yesterday. So Wattpad has me devastated because I logged onto my account and this journal was being shown as deleted. I did not even know what to feel.
Wednesday: August 1st, 2018
"hard to swallow pill: you don't matter to people as much as you think you do. you overvalue your importance because you crave belonging and connection."
I saw this quote and it hit a nerve. I love so strongly and sometimes I expect that same intensity of love. I want to matter to someone as much as they matter to me. But I don't, and that's okay. I love Nate this way and it's okay. I just want him to be happy even if that happiness is not with me. I know he loves me, but I can see the possibility of that love fading in the future and that's okay. I just want him to be happy even if it costs me my own happiness. I worry probably too much. I really want to move to Minnesota and start my life with him in December. I honestly don't think it would be that hard for me to find a job out there and contribute money, but the only person I know is Nate. I know I can't spend all my time while I'm not working with him. So how will I make completely new friends. I've never had to do that. I went to the same school while I was young and high school. I guess I've made friends with some of my coworkers, but I'm just really scared to be lonely and annoying. I would miss my nieces and my sister the most. I really don't want to live in buckeye a whole extra year. Nate is supposed to come visit me for my birthday. I want to try and see him before then.
I start school again this month, hopefully it goes well.
Part of me really wants to move back into my moms and suffer the depression and suicidal tendencies that come with it just so I can save money for MN and to clear up my debt. But I wouldn't be able to take Korra. I would put myself through that, hopefully I would survive, but I would not be able to take Korra back there.
I have no idea what to do with my life and I really need to start figuring it out.
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After Senior Year.
Não FicçãoJune 30th, 2014. My life has always been a mess. From bullies constantly pushing me to the ground to my family pulling me in so many directions I begin to fall apart. This isn't just about all the terrible things I've dealt with, but also the amazin...
