After Senior Year.

Wednesday: October 15th, 2014

It has been two months since I last wrote in here. So much has happened within that time. I started college and it has surprisingly been alright. I made a new friend, her name is Jacqueline:). She is a hardcore fangirl just like me. I also started talking to Maria again! She's an honors student too, no shocker there. As for my usual groups of friends, they will always have their problems. It is insane how use to them I have gotten. I find I can never get enough of thier company. Uncle Joey just got out of prison. It's great to have him back!

Lately, I find that I have just been trying to enjoy life. I just cannot get enough time to do everything that I want to do each day. My primary focus is beginning to become myself. I need to make sure overall that I am happy. The last thing that I want is to become depressed again. I often forget that Nana left us. It is the little things that remind me of her. It has been just over six months, and I fear it will never stop hurting.

On a different topic, for a while I was kind of obsessed with gaining this guy's attention, but I'm over that. Same with T. I do wish we could be good friends, but nothing more because I know that would never work. Lately, I have been so caught up in school and working on my time management it stresses me out. I haven't had any time to read or write because in my spare time i am either with friends, watching TV shows, or sleeping.

My sister definitely still worries me. I have learned to try and let it go. She needs to learn on her own, I suppose I just want to be the best version of myself that I can be and I want her to do the same. For the most part I can say that I am happy. Could I be happier? Of course, but this little bit of happy is greater than the darkness that once took ahold of me. People often say that you are either happy or you're not, but I just don't agree. Emotions run deep in everybody and at times I find myself at a constant space between happy, and not. In other words I over think my emotions so much to the point that they become me. I can not simply decide, "Am I happy, or not?" The question battles me to the point of consistent longing for the moment when I can say that i am indeed happy without any doubts.
With that long ramble out of the way, it is 1:54 in the morning on this fine Wednesday and I fear that it will be a long while until I pick up this journal again. Goodnight.
Ps. Jaime got engaged..I don't know how I forgot to mention that!