Draupadi

CHAPTER XLIII

"Fate does not offer mercy; it offers only the illusion of choice, and then quietly watches as we walk its path."

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"Amba" he called me.

"Forigive me and he laid his weapons down and let my arrow hit him. Amba, Shikhandhi, which woman have I lived as all my life?

Something so delightful broke in me, but another part of me felt over. I lived for that moment all my life Draupadi. All my lives.

Both this one and the previous one. Wronged by men and choosing to lead life like a man. What decision did fate let me take?" She questions her voice breaking at the end.

"Drau I though, I'd get peace. Revenge would heal the broken ripped woman. It didn't. Should I have let go? With so many different realities I could've created have I chosen the worst one?" I look at her not knowing what to say.

"He lies on a bed of arrows, I have lived on a bed of arrows. Every day every breath...They've been my bed too." She says and I have nothing to tell her. No phrase no word would be right. This grief is a different sort of grief. One I wouldn't know of.

"Draupadi even if we win this war, that is not our victory." and then she laughs, her cruel animal laugh " The greatest victory is to survive this war with your soul intact." and then she walks away quickly and swiftly.

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I stare at Krishna who stands at an edge staring at a distance, in the direction where the Pitamaha lies. He then turns quickly and upon seeing me startles for a second. He then puts his hand on my shoulder for support and then walks me back to our tents.

"Have you seen him?" he asks me. "Not yet, don't have the power in me today." I say and then he sighs.

"You know it's strange to know that if he thought he could have put the end to this where it started, If he had the strength to face the truth from the beginning... the war could have ended before it even began.

He could've ended this when the Pandavas entered Hastinapur, he could've ended it when Duryodhana threw Bheem in the river, He could've ended it when I asked him to help me, why he could've ended this when you went as a peace messenger.

And he chose to fight for adharma knowing it is you who stands on our side, knowing Dharma will prevail and adharma will be destroyed, knowing he is going to die, knowing Amba's vow, knowing my curse and vow alike. He said he'd play his role, and he's played it hasn't he. Choosing to be a pawn when he could've been a king." I say my voice mixed with something I don't know. Is it resentment? Is it spite? Is it anger?

Krishna looks at me for a moment and takes his hand off my shoulder for a second only to place it back again firmer.

"I'm sorry you don't have to say anything. I just don't know anyone else to talk to right now." I tell him. He tries to smile at me, and this smile her throws at me is nothing compared to the lopsided grins I'm used to. But who has the strength to smile now?

"I thought we agreed that all our fates were sealed from the very begginning Draupadi." he says each word with a careful pause. "Doesn't make life easier Krishna" I tell him and he sighs again.

He didn't respond immediately. Instead, he leaned back and closed his eyes for a moment, as though gathering strength from somewhere far beyond the earth itself. Then he smiled-softly, but it wasn't the smile I was used to. It wasn't the smile of a friend, or of a mentor, or even of the god who had stood beside me through so much.

It was the smile of someone who had seen the end, and could no longer lie to himself about it. "No," he said finally, "it doesn't."

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Oh my god, I can't believe I wrote this chapter. I absolutely love the depth and the angst.

word count- 716

Hope you guys liked it too!

You've read the chapter, now I expect your comment. No excuses. I'm waiting to hear from you.