Draupadi

CHAPTER XLVIII

"How did you know you were a goddess?"

"I cried oceans but did not drown."

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On day 17, Karna falls. We have killed most of the major warriors. Only Duryodhan remains. Only duryodhan. 

Bhima , my Bhima brought me blood today.

 Blood. Red, crimson almost. Crimson like rage. Crimson like shame. Crimson like the night my voice was torn from my throat and flung into a court of cowards. Crimson like injustice. Crimson like sorrow. Crimson like a woman. Crimson like the lure of blood.  Crimson like the saree I wore the day they dared to tear me apart. Crimson like grief. Crimson like sorrow contained too long. Crimson like death. Crimson like anger. Crimson like murder. Crimson like everything that haunts me.

 Blood. To fullfill my vow. 

The blood of the brother in law that tried to rip my dignity from me. 

You know how it feels? to have blood smeared into your hair?

 It feels like every grievance spoken of again. It feels like all my wounds bleeding and healing. All my scars redefining themselves. I feel dead and alive. I feel like laughter and melancholy. I don't even know how I feel.

Arjun turns away like he can't bear to see me. I call him, the evil part in me calls him 

"This is what you fought for. Look. Stare. See. " 

Arjun looks at me again haunted. Desperately seeking to escape. I laugh "You know If this was all I wanted, the death of the kauravas, the death of every man who did me wrong I wouldn't have gotten you to do it. I would have done it myself.

 You misunderstand the conviction of a woman whose life is injustice in all ways. I wanted you to do this. 

I wanted you to fight for me. 

I wanted you to kill for me. 

I wanted you to remember your silence. 

I wanted this."

 I laugh and then I cry. I've gone mad. 

This madness is freedom. 

I'll let myself go mad for a little while. Just a little while longer.

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I know I haven't updated in a long time — and I'm really sorry for going quiet and leaving you hanging like that.

The truth is, a lot's been going on. I had exams, and I also had some eye health issues that made everything tougher. But more than that... I was honestly just really discouraged. I wasn't getting much feedback on the story, and it made me feel like maybe my writing wasn't good enough. Like maybe no one was really reading or connecting.

It's hard to keep going when it feels like your words are just floating out into silence. And for a while, that silence made me stop believing in my own voice.

But I'm back now. Not because everything is suddenly perfect, but because I missed this. I missed writing. I missed the way it makes me feel alive. I'm here again — for the love, the passion, the fire of storytelling.

This new chapter means a lot to me. It's raw, full of grief and rage — and it honestly just poured out of me. I hope it reaches you. I really do. And if you're reading this... I'd love to hear what you think. Even just a small comment can mean the world.

Thank you for being here, truly.
See you in the next chapter.