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To (Y/N),
I am not a strong person. I never was. And I never will be. The proof? Well, i am running away from my problems right now aren't I?
All this time, I lived on, clinging to that small thread of life, that threatened to break at any moment. But you came, trying your best to hold it tight.
Thank you really.
But sorry I am letting go of the other end.
It's not your fault, nor is it anyone else's. I just don't think I can live on faking everything. My joy, my smile—I hate all of it.
I can't go on like this. My parents never loved me, only my grades. Beating me as a child, sometimes locking me up and what not. Those sleepless nights just to be met with an average score.... And the hell that followed. All of it, I just cant take it anymore.
I had always thought about it...what it would feel like to be....gone.
It's ironic.
Everyone sees me as a beacon of joy. I was scared...what if they found out about the existence of my ugly shadow? The one that was consuming me whole.
Will you hate me?
You see me as someone great
I am not
I never wanted to disappoint you, but I really am a ugly person. I just...regret that you might think of me as someone weak after this.
U know, I hope you find your happiness with Cheng Xiaoshi and make new friends, new memories.
I'm just sad I won't be there to see it.
To me, you were my light. My fleeting happiness. My escape. With you I could forget about the screaming voices in my head.
I never showed my pain to anyone. Why should I?... But I thought at least you deserve to know.... Why I took this decision.
Deep down I wanted someone to recognize the pain I'm going through, but I know I hide it well. Haha I should have been an actor.
(Y/N), True happiness
I felt that when I was with you.
And now that I had a glimpse of it...
I want it forever.
And I can't have that. I can't force that on someone.
It became hard for me to fake my smile. How did I do it all this time?
Heaven knows...
All cuz you showed me what it feels like to truly smile. Now I can't fake it.
Still Can I ask you for something selfish?
(Y/N) Don't forget me...
I'm only writing a letter to you cuz I don't think anyone else is worth it. Hell I'm sure no one would even care.
But, One day I'm sure we'll meet again (Y/N). And that day I hope I can face you with a genuine smile.
Till then I am sorry.
Thank you for showing me what happiness feels like.
Give Lu Guang and Cheng Xiaoshi my regards...? I don't know them much but, I am sure they r good ppl.
Love you forever,
Rin
.......
Inside the envelope, a vivid blue forget-me-not was crumbled in.
Forget-Me-Nots: Blooming softly, they promise remembrance. In their petals, love lingers eternal. And they continue to bloom even in the shadows of time.
