Obsessed

Chapter 36: Soaking Wet

Cole

Unknown Area: August 3rd, 2022 10:59 PM

____________________________________________________________

Charlie left me.

Shut!

I exhaled, my breath leaving my mouth and nose in multiple broken pieces. I looked ahead of me, seeing my legs open in front of me from the bottom of my eyes. It was blurry. I gritted my teeth inside my mouth, my lips hiding them as they quivered over them. The salty liquid kept pouring out my eyes, not stopping no matter what I tried. I put my palms flat on the ground, feeling them shake.

"Don't try anything funny, and don't give 003 a hard time for fuck's sake." Seliel said, walking out on me too.

She shut the door.

I exhaled, listening to Seliel's repeating voice in my head.

She was Sienna's sister?

I had been avoiding the memories that came to my head every time I saw a gun. I had been cutting off the images of Sienna every minute in that place all because it reminded me of that night.

I never meant to kill her in the first place. Even though I did, I still couldn't tell Seliel the truth when she asked because of how guilty I felt in that situation.

She was my first love. I had known her for some time. I was serious about her. So was she. It was just like Seliel said; I didn't notice that I was craving that same love the entire time I spent with Seliel. At the back of my mind, I must have still remembered Sienna's minor details, leading me to Seliel. It calmed me. Her hair. Her eyes. They comforted the emptiness in my heart, filling me up. Ever since I left Sienna that day, I felt waves of fear and anxiety crash over me very often.

Just like then. I was feeling hollow again. I was doing the same thing again, wasn't I? How long was I going to keep on trying? How long was I going to run?

I cried. I shut my eyes as I raised my knees up. My elbows touched them while I clenched my trembling digits in my hair. I screamed, pulling my hair out of my scalp.

My heart kept beating against my chest, wanting to rip out of my body. I wished for it to tear. I was so tired of myself. I messed up again. I fucked up. I fucked myself up. If I had killed myself back then, I wouldn't have to watch myself burn right now.

I hit my head back on the wall. I slid my hands down on the side of my head, scratching the skin over my ears and the sides of my neck. I dropped my hands in my lap, closing my eyes and looking up as I tapped my head back on the wall.

It was frustrating. It made me want to kill myself right there and then.

I hated myself.

I hated my life.

I cried louder, kicking my legs in front of me. My heels scraped all over again. I fisted the cement floor, abrading my fingers as I screamed. I let my tears run free, my head throbbing as I wished my soul to leave my body.

I was such a coward.

I felt like shit.

The entire time, since the first day, I had been blocking out my emotions, dying to forget her. No matter how hard it became, talking about that chain, holding onto the topaz crescent, I held it in me. But it was killing me inside. I was so disappointed to hear myself still breathing. Why hadn't any of Seliel's tortures managed to end me? She had been punishing me, little did she know, I was already being punished by my own fucking self.