046. love is embarrassing

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The day finally comes when Dream, George, and Sapnap have to leave, and it's quite possibly the worst day of Lani's life

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The day finally comes when Dream, George, and Sapnap have to leave, and it's quite possibly the worst day of Lani's life. It means she'll be alone again. It means she won't get to see Dream in person anymore.

The drive to the airport is filled with promises to visit again, lighthearted jokes to keep things from feeling too heavy. But when their flight is finally called, Lani wraps her arms around Dream in the tightest hug she's ever given a person, she hugs him last.

She doesn't want to let go.


IMESSAGE !

lani

me
have a safe flight home
miss u guys already
<3


The car ride home was silent, aside from the soft hum of music from her Spotify playlist.

Her home would feel emptier now—quieter, duller—without George and Sapnap's constant banter echoing through the halls, without Dream's easy smiles or the whispered conversations they shared long after the rest of the house had fallen asleep.

By the time Lani got home, the only ones there to greet her were her cats. She ate dinner alone, went to bed alone—though sleep never came.

After ten minutes of tossing and turning, she let out a quiet sigh, reaching for her phone and turning it on.

She missed Dream a little more tonight. Maybe it was because they were miles apart again. Maybe it was because she wasn't even sure if he still liked her. Either way, the ache in her chest felt heavier than usual.

Suddenly, the urge to text him everything she was feeling hit her—right here, right now.

She doubted he'd see it anytime soon. He was probably asleep or still on the road. But the thought nagged at her, yet again, she was unsure if she should take the chance or not.

After a few moments of deliberation, she decided that in twenty years, she probably wouldn't even remember this moment. So what did it matter if she did or didn't?

So, she did.

Carefully, she thought through her words, not wanting to mess anything up. She typed it all out in her notes app first, making sure it said exactly what she wanted. And once she was done, once she was as ready as she could be—she braced herself to hit send.

IMESSAGE !

12:27 AM

me
hi, tjis is random and you're
probably asleep rn but i just wanted
to let u know that i like u a lot
and omg i feel like a schoolgirl confessing
to her crush for the first time what the fuck

me
sorry
anyway
i like u like a lot
and i know i've  confessed before
but i've started wondering if you
still like me that's probably a weird question
but i really do want to know
I don't want to get my hopes up
and find out in the end that
it's actually thea that you like

me
so please just tell me straight up if u do like her
I won't have a problem with it
nor will I blame you
I don't have the ability to
control who you love, but unfortunately
I don't have the ability to control who
I love either

me
she's beautiful, truly
and it seems like you two get
along really well
(from what I've seen at least)

me
I've never been good at expressing
my feelings through long messages
so I'm sorry if this is messy
but I mean it all.
I like you,  I think you like thea,
and I don't mind if you really did

me
I'd also like to thank you for
treating me very well, for making
me feel so special for nearly a year
and now im sort of regretting not asking
you to be my boyfriend when i was positive
that i was the one you liked
I don't think you regret not asking me to be
your girlfriend back then, but a part of me
does hope that even sometimes, you still
wonder what could've happened if you did

me
you're one of the most amazing
people I've ever met
you've got it all really.
i hope thea gets the version of you
that I yearn for, and i hope that version
of you treats her well

me
I love you

Lani stared at the messages for a solid ten minutes, her own words glaring back at her.

She couldn't believe she had actually sent them. The more she reread them, the more ridiculous she felt. They sounded awkward, messy—all over the place.

She pictured Clay waking up, unlocking his phone, only to be met with her long, emotional texts first thing in the morning. The thought made her cringe so hard she wanted to disappear and let the earth swallow her whole.

God. Why was she like this?

Her teeth dug into her bottom lip as she hesitated, her thumb hovering over the screen. Dream hadn't read them yet. She still had time to remove them, act like they were never there.


these messages will be deleted from all your devices

DELETE 7 MESSAGES

So she did it. She unsent them all, all except one.

She let out a breath she hadn't even realized she was holding once most of the messages were gone. But one still remained, staring back at her like a mirror.

I love you.

Three little words that held everything she felt for him.

Lani knew Clay would find it odd. A single I love you sent at midnight with no context? He'd probably be concerned, maybe even confused.

But at this point, it didn't matter. She'd rather let him see one short, unfiltered truth than seven messy, rambling confessions she couldn't take back.

Still, disappointment settled in her chest, heavy and suffocating. She hated that she let her emotions take control.

Love was embarrassing.


IMESSAGE !

12:39 AM

me
I love you

9:12 AM

clay 😴
I love you too
are u okay

9:55 AM

me
yes
sorry
I just missed you last night
and i was tired

clay 😴
you miss me already aw

me
i do

clay 😴
i miss you too

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