real psychward exclusive

please please please please please

please take me home,

i just want to go home.

what is this stupid feeling in my chest?

in my head?

bury me alive,

saw my wrist in the shed.

poems sprout,

pills get popped.

dizzily walking around,

WHO AM I WITHOUT THE DOUBT?

i cant do this anymore,

i'm not getting worse.

if this isnt the worst summer of my life,

i will be truly hurt.

I dont care what i have to do,

NOTHING FEELS FUCKING REAL IF IM NOT BLUE.

why am i not a psychopath anymore?!

FUCK YOU ADDERALL YOU TOOK MY LIFE AWAY.

maybe if i stop taking my meds i'll be back to insane.

i dont care if i get grounded,

i just want to fight.

i dont give a fuck if i wanna kill myself

THATS WHO I AM

a suicidal freak

but thats not me BECAUSE IM NOT SUICIDAL

WHAT???

im actually saying THAT

im not fucking suicidal for the first time

well its not the first time because i havent been suicidal in 6 months

AND I HATE IT

I CANT DO THIS

it might seem like "oh your complaining about not being depressed and angry and upset all the time, but your upset about not being upset. That makes you upset"

THATS WHY IM FUCKING WORRIED

thats what happened last summer

i was grieving summer 2023 and missed the best time of my life

FUCK SUMMER 2023

2024 is my home

please i just wanna go there

i dont care if i feel the stares

i JUST WANT TO GO BACK

please

it was the best time of my life

im so SICK OF WALKING

INFUCKING HATE WALKING BUT I CANT STOP

i miss me so much

carmen was so cool

I MISS HER.

i miss calling myself carmen because i was so fucking deep into dissociation i didn't recognize my face or name so i had to make up an alter ego

you know what im just gonna post this on tumblr instead

maybe that will be a vibe idk

i want to make more poems cuz this turned into a rant i tried to make it a poem but whatever