Love In Colour

CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR: SWORDS, FOOLS & QUEENS

I'm biting nails, and I'm not even a nail-biter. Anxiety has my stomach in a tight knot. Taking deep breaths is doing way too little to calm me down.

Rosemary, sensing my wrecked emotional state, brought me a cup of chamomile tea to help my nerves. This reading is something I need to do. I'm not even a spiritual person, but it feels right to get a reading since it feels like these tarot cards started the whole whirlwind that has been my life these past months.

She sits in her designated chair and starts shuffling the card deck. Transfixed by the smooth way she moves the cards, I get slightly startled when one falls on the wooden surface of the table.

"The four of swords," she softly states. "It's reversed." She looks up from the card and glances at me for a second before she resumes her shuffling. From her smooth movements, another card falls face down.

She flips it over, "The Fool."

More shuffling and another card falls face up, "Queen of wands," she states.

She puts the deck aside and sets the cards next to each other. After a deep exhale, she begins to break down the meaning.

"This," she taps her nail on the card with the swords, "You're struggling with something, and it's mentally tiring." I nod, and she continues, "You're not allowing yourself time to heal and process what's going on in your life."

My heart begins to beat faster, and my hands feel sweaty.

"The fool. There's hesitation and a fear of the unknown." She takes a breath, "There's a call to a new beginning or a leap of faith, but you're holding back. You may be over-analysing, fearing failure, or repeating old patterns that prevent you from starting fresh."

Wow, "Okay and the last card." I say through the hard lump in my throat.

"The Queen of Wands." Her bangles clink against each other as she takes the card from the table. "Your inner fire and self-assurance are low. Feeling like an imposter."

My heart beats a little too fast at the accuracy of this reading. She lines up the cards next to each other. Her gaze locked on mine, "You're feeling drained, and this exhaustion is impacting your ability to move forward. The path ahead feels unclear or intimidating. At the core of this situation is a crisis of personal power and identity."

"Alright." I clear my throat. "What does this all mean?" I ask, knowing fully well that I already have my answer.

"Tend to your inner flame. Take care of your inner self. You cannot leap forward if you're running on empty. Believe in yourself and have courage, that will make the new path feel exciting rather than frightening"

I have been feeling drained, emotionally and mentally. Running on autopilot and using work as an escape. I know what I have to do. To finally move on to my future, I have to confront the demons and monsters of my past.