Love In Colour

CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO: LOYAL ALLIANCES & BOTANICAL GARDENS

I find Gray in the kitchen, humming off-key as he wrestles with a clove of garlic. I'm exhausted from the crying I did when I drove over here. It's quite a miracle that I made it in one piece, I almost crashed my car while driving with teary eyes.

The familiar, safe scent of the garlic– the scent of home makes my throat tighten. I lean against the couch, just watching him for a moment, gathering the storm of feelings inside of me.

He looks up, his smile immediate and easy. "Hey, you. How did it go?"

I don't answer directly. Instead, I walk over and wrap my arms around his waist, and press my face into his back, feeling the solid and reliable warmth of him. He stills, hands hovering over the cutting board.

"Hey," he says softly, turning in my arms. He cups my face, his thumbs brushing my cheeks. "That good, huh?"

A wet laugh escapes me. "It was... a lot."

"Tell me," he says, leading me to the couch, ignoring the abandoned garlic.

I curl into his side, my head on his shoulder, anchoring myself with the steady rhythm of his breathing.

"They're... nice." The word feels inadequate. "Their eyes look like mine." That woman's genes are so strong, all three of her children have her eyes. "It was like looking at a funhouse mirror version of myself–one where everything turned out...sunny."

I feel him nod, listening, just listening.

"They talked about this dog they had. A golden retriever named Buster who ate a couch. They mentioned their mom." My voice hitches, "They say 'my mom' so easily. Like it's a fact and not a grenade."

I feel his arm tighten around me.

"And for a second, I hated them," I whisper, the confession sharp and ugly. "I felt so angry I couldn't breathe. They have my life, the one I should have had."

Gray doesn't correct me and tells me that I'm wrong. He doesn't try to fix anything. He just holds me, letting the poison seep out.

"But then...I looked at them. Really looked past my anger, and they were just these kids, you know? They were nervous, too. Trying so hard to connect with this stranger who shares their DNA." I take a shaky breath. "So I... I let the anger go. Just for a minute. I told them about my wish to adopt a cat. We laughed about their stupid dog."

I finally look up at him, my eyes filled with unshed tears, "It was so weird. It was like... holding a piece of broken glass. You can either clench your fist around it until it cuts you to ribbons, or you can just hold it carefully. See how it catches the light."

I sigh, the fight gone, leaving me profoundly exhausted. "It wasn't this instant connection. It was just three people in a coffee shop, surrounded by the ghosts of what should have been. But we were there. We stayed."

Gray softly kisses my forehead. "I am so proud of you," he says, his voice thick with emotion. "That sounds incredibly hard."

"It was," I admit, sinking deeper into his embrace. "But they both promised to text me. And I think...this time I won't be scared to text them back."

His comfort isn't in a flood of words, but in the space he holds me in silence. When he finally speaks, his voice is a low, soft rumble in my ear.

"You don't have to know how you feel about them yet," he says, his words dismantling the pressure I feel to have it figured out. "You can be happy to have had this meeting with them and still grieve for everything it reminds you that you lost. Both those things can be true in this room, right now, and neither one cancels the other out."