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Grief can tear you apart

Jake/Neytiri x Fem Reader (Poly),
Requested- No
Spoilers- Fire and Ash spoilers
Warnings- Mention Child Death, internalized hate, Yes that one Jake and Neytiri scene but more dramatic, grief brings the truth out of people, Jake, Reader and Neytiri are harden by war and grief none of them are perfect but Sully's Stick together, direct movie dialogue
Word Count- 1957
[READ AT YOUR OWN RISK]
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(Y/n POV)
Everyone handles grief in their own way. Neytiri wears it. The Na'vi don't run from pain or sorrow they embrace it. They accept it and work through the days trying to figure out how to live again. It is not a fast process nor is it simple but to them there is no shame in showing pain and hurt.

Everyone hurts. At one point everyone's heart will bleed. It is a part of life. Jake grieves like a marine. Tighten up, don't talk about, don't think about, stay busy, stay focused. Make yourself seem strong so that people around you don't think you're weak. However I don't think none of the Metkayina thinks we are weak. We just lost a son.

Lost a son. Our first born. How does anyone stay strong and hardened like stone. Jake does. It's how he's programmed. He's a jarhead. He loves to remind us. Loves to point it out. Jarhead..Marine..Earth. That's just Jake Sully.

I guess I handle grief in a mix of both. I accept the fact that my son is dead. Neteyam is dead. I sat beside him..his blood on my hands. Watched him take his final breath. I watched as his eyes no longer held life. Saw Neytiri crumble over his body. Watched Jake turn to stone. Watched my second born lose a peice of his life.

Watch...I always watch. I don't pretend I'm not hurt. Not like the ways Jake does and well I don't outwardly cry; not like Neytiri. No..I just watch everyone else. Notice the space that is left unable to be filled. Nobody prepares you for the day you can no longer hear your child's voice. Only on the wind or faintly on the waves.

Nobody prepares you for the sudden rush of emotions. When you think you are holding it together but you are crying without realizing. Hot tears stream down your face and you can't stop them. No matter how hard you try they just come out faster. Hotter..thicker. Then it's gone. It's gone because you remember there's no time to grieve in an active war.

No time to mourn when the enemy is still breathing. It's all just war. Is what you tell yourself when you look at your son. Lo'ak..I love him. I see him. I see his heart. I see his strength and his fury. How the ancestors guide his soul but it's hard not to pass blame. To not see him and see all of his mistakes. Had he listened...I shake my head. Shake the thought.

I can not blame my son. I can't but I do anyways because Lo'ak never listens. Never heads any warnings. He is reckless, he is impulsive, he is a bou growing to fast. A boy seeing death and war all before he was ten. A boy who lives to the expectations of his father. A boy who thinks he a warrior..thinks he has to fight because that's the way we raised them.

We...Jake, Neytiri and I. We raised them. Told them to fall in line fast to lower the possibility of harm coming toward them. Raised our boys to always protect their siblings, always fight for this family. They listen to our word. Followed our rules...yet it easier to pass blame than to admit you failed as a parent.

Failed...after thinking we were doing the right thing. Raising them to be warriors because war will kill no matter what and yet it backfired on us. We aren't in the forest, we are still in this stupid fucking island in the middle of the goddamn ocean. Our son is dead and he didn't even get to lay with his own ancestors. He's gone. Never coming back. Eywa holds his soul.

I don't want Eywa to cradle him. I want to hold him in my arms and tell him I'm sorry. Sorry for not trying harder to give him a children, sorry that he was forced to take care of his siblings when he should've been enjoying his own childhood, sorry that his life got cut short. That I was a bad mother and I should've tried harder.