Lockjaw (Joshler)

58. Honey

***Trigger warnings for mentions of suicidal thoughts and self harm scars.***

Start the song. It's Floral Bedsheets by Mieke.

Tyler's migraine lasted for two miserable days. He couldn't eat, couldn't open his curtains, and couldn't do fuck all to take care of his little brother. While he didn't do it in front of Jay, he had found himself unable to fight back tears after Jay quietly brought him toast, a red Gatorade, and a banana at the start of day two.

Shame had coiled up in the pit of Tyler's stomach when Jay told him Frangipane had fed him dinner the night before. Jay had told her he was perfectly fine to just scrounge around for something to eat or pop something in the microwave, but she had insisted. Jay had eventually accepted her offer to make him some pasta after she got home from work, and somehow that act of kindness toward Jay was eating Tyler alive. He was grateful she'd taken care of Jay, but that gratitude bore teeth that wouldn't stop rending him to shreds.

When Tyler woke up to a bowl of soup on his nightstand around the end of night two, he knew she had been the culprit. Even the noodles in the soup looked homemade. It was probably the best meal he'd ever eaten after a migraine. Yet, the guilt that accompanied his temporary helplessness was almost too much for him to cope with.

Jay was asleep on the couch when Tyler finally emerged from his room, meaning Frangipane had already left for work. Tyler sighed, resigning himself to shower, brush his teeth, strip the sweaty sheets from his bed, and shove them in the washer. He went through the foggy post-migraine motions, doing his best to rehydrate along the way.

Partnered up rather cruelly with the fact that someone else had been forced to care for Tyler was the reality that Josh hadn't tried to contact him at all in the past two days. Josh usually called Tyler if he didn't show up after work, or even if he was just wondering how Tyler was doing. This was the longest Tyler had gone without receiving a call from Josh, and the knots in his stomach kept tightening as he tried not to catastrophize about why.

He cleaned his whole house that night instead of sleeping, working quietly so he wouldn't wake Jay. Tomorrow was the day Jay was supposed to go back to school again, and Tyler needed him to be well-rested and mentally prepared when he got there.

That wasn't going to happen if he gave Jay any reason to worry about him, so he texted Hayley that he wouldn't be in tomorrow and spent the night clearing out his mostly unused home office, beginning the process of making an actual bedroom for Jay. If he was the only person Jay could trust to raise him, that was what Tyler was going to do. No one had expressed concern about Jay not being home yet, so Tyler chose to interpret that as permission for him to keep Jay here.

By the time Jay woke up for school, Tyler had cleared everything but his desk and bookshelves out of the office. He was going to need help carrying those out, but he could worry about that later. Instead, he made sure Jay ate breakfast, brushed his teeth, and put on his uniform before driving him to school. He had to sit through a discussion with the principal about expectations for Jay's behaviour before he was allowed to say goodbye.

His final interaction with Jay for the morning continued to play inside of his head on a loop as he walked through the slushy parking lot back to his car. Tears burned in his eyes as he unlocked the car and climbed inside, sinking into the seat as if his body was coated with lead.

Jay had waited until they were out of the office before timidly asking, "Am I going back to the house after school today, or can I come home with you?"