His Little Brat. {Levi x Reader}

The Strongest Soldier.(Levi x Selfharming!Reader)

-Thank you for requesting! Also, a quick warning! This may be triggering for some of you guys so please read on at your own risk if you are influenced by triggers. Stay strong lovelies.-

  "Only victors are allowed to live, the world is merciless like that."

                                                                                              -Mikasa Ackerman from Attack on Titan

~~~

  For the people who had just met you, you would be nothing out of the ordinary. You were normal to their eyes and they would suspect nothing. You had a good life with many who adored and loved you with all their hearts. However, there was just one major problem. The one person that needed to love you the most, never did, and that person was yourself. Ever since life began to throw hardships at you, you were never able to rebound and bounce back from the times you had fallen down. You began to hate yourself, and your self-esteem slowly deteriorated into annihilation.

  Maybe it was an addiction. Just like any addict out there, what you were doing to your body was something you couldn't control. One moment you might have been feeling okay, but before you know it, darkness would find it's way into your head once more. If you weren't burdened with the responsibility of living, you would have ended your life ages ago. The one thing that you wanted to live for was the one that loved you the most...Levi.

  Levi loved you with all his heart, and you knew that.  What he didn't know about you, was how you were slowly killing yourself over time. He never noticed the way you would tug down at your sleeves. He never realized how you winced whenever he held your wrists. He just never noticed. You wanted things to stay that way. You couldn't even imagine what he would say to you or do if he found out about what you were doing to yourself. You thought you could hide it from him forever, until that day.

  Levi had noticed something off about you that day. You were much paler than usual, and less talkative. You never really talked much to begin with, but you were never silent with him. As suspicious as it was, he held back the urge to pry as he greeted you like he always did in the mornings. He couldn't help but steal unnoticeable glances in your direction as he chewed on his food silently. He watched as you flick your fork up and down; playing with your food. Normally, he would nag about this type of behavior, but it felt like it wouldn't be taken very well. You hadn't spoken a single word since you woke up, and that was beginning to worry him.

"Are you okay? You seem a bit..different today." He asks cautiously and watches as your dull eyes meet his with a forced smile.

"I'm fine Levi.." You murmur as you drop your blank gaze back to your untouched food.

  Levi clicks his tongue as he feels sudden annoyance from the way you were acting. He hated not knowing what was wrong, and the way you were being so evasive made him hopelessly frustrated. He stands up from the table as he lifts his plate up to bring to the sink. He hadn't even finished his food, mainly because he had lost his appetite. He didn't know why he was so angry, but maybe it was because he hated seeing you so upset.

"Tch..whatever. If you aren't going to be open with me, what am I supposed to do about it." He lets these tactless and harsh words escape his mouth, and he regrets them instantly.

  He could almost see your hurt face, even with his back turned to you. He stays silent for a moment, as the only sound that resonated in the house was the whooshing of the tap. He realizes how unfair he was being and turns around to apologize, but you weren't sitting at the table like you were a few seconds ago. He turns off the tap quickly and dries his hands on his pants as he begins to search for you. Somehow, he felt his heart drop heavily as a bad feeling dawns upon him.

  You make sure you lock the door before resting your shaky hands on the cool marble sink. You try to take deep breaths to calm yourself, but your urge was overwhelmingly powerful. You rummage through the cupboard frantically in search of that one thing that would be able to release the pain you were feeling inside. As you find the object, you quickly roll up your sleeves and begin to dig the blade into your scarred flesh. You would usually try to avoid the veins, but this time, you couldn't care less. You gasp as you watch the beads of crimson surface from the gashes on your wrists. They double in size as they drip off your arm and on to the floor. Somehow, you felt liberated, yet the guilt began to rise as you press a wad of tissue paper on your fresh wounds to stop the bleeding. It didn't look like it was going to stop anytime soon.

"(Your Name)? Are you in there?" Levi's worried voice echoes into the small room as he knocks on the door urgently.

"Y-yeah." You force yourself to call out as normally as you could.

"Are you okay? What's going on?" He asks again as you see him jiggle the doorknob dangerously.

"I-I'm fine! I'll be out in a second!" You could hear the panic in your voice, and he probably could too.

  You take a shaky breath as you roll your sleeves down before wiping away the tears hurriedly; praying that he would not notice. As you open the door, you see Levi standing on the other side of the door with his arms crossed over each other. He seemed genuinely concerned for you as you try to avoid eye contact. Before you could walk past him, he stops you by grabbing on to your wrist and you automatically cringe as the stinging pain increases.

"You need to tell me what's wrong (Your Name). Right now." He commands and your heart begins to pound in your ears.

"Levi..let go.." You whimper as you try to twist your hand out of his grip, but he doesn't give up and ends up squeezing harder. You let out a cry of pain that you quickly try to mask.

"I need to know what's wrong so I can help you!! You need to open up to me! I'm your fucking boyfriend (Your Name)! I worry about you because I love you." He pleads.

  Your vision swims dangerously as the pain was getting overwhelmingly unbearable. You try to blink the stars away, but it just makes it worse as dark spots dance in your vision. You feel warm liquid soaking into your sleeve and realize that Levi would have to find out the hard way if you passed out. Levi was so caught up with you, that he had just noticed the warm moistness he felt on his hand. His eyes dart to your wrist and widen as he sees the dark red patch beginning to grow. He quickly releases his grip and catches you as you fall weakly.

"Oh god..." He whispers as he finally pieces the puzzles together. He finally understood why you had been acting so strangely lately. "Why would you do this?!" he found himself exclaiming as he held you close to his chest.

"I'm..sorry.." You murmur weakly before sleepiness takes over.

~~~

When you awake, your head is much clearer. You hold your hand in front of your face to see your wrist bandaged up with expertise. Everything comes flooding back as you sit up. You cannot stop the tears as you cover your face with your hand. You didn't want to have Levi find out like this. At that moment, Levi walks in to the room and watches you silently as you cry. His own heart clenches painfully as he slowly makes his way over before pulling your body into his tightly. You cling on to his waist as the sobs rack your body.

"You know I'll always love you (Your Name). Watching you suffer like this and being unable to help you is just..please don't do this to yourself anymore. I need you to fucking promise me."