I sat down with watch TV when the door knocked.
I walk over and open to see Michael standing there.
"It's been forever" he leans into me.
He's drunk. His breath may as well be a liquor store.
"What do you want Mikey?" I laugh.
"I needed to tell you something. But I don't want you to get mad at me"
"Okay come in"
We walk into the lounge room.
"What do you want to tell me?" I lean on the wall.
"You know that girl? The one I made out with. Well I didn't just make out with her. I slept with her and now she's pregnant." He slurs out.
"What the fuck Michael! You had the chance to tell me and you still lied to me!" I yell.
I'm not only mad but I'm completely broken. I didn't think our relationship would be so hard. He cheated on me. Who the hell does that.
"I was drunk" he walks closer to me.
"You're drunk now so what's the difference?!"
"I just love you so much. And I didn't mean to hurt you" he pouts his lips.
"Well you did, so congratulations Michael, I don't think that you could of possibly hurt me anymore and you did. You lied to me!" I start to cry.
"That's why I'm telling you the truth now, come here we can work this out"
"Yeah maybe. But you had a chance to tell me sooner and you didn't. Is this all one big joke to you? Because if it is, I'm not laughing!"
"No. This is not a joke to me baby, I love you" he pulls me into a hug.
"No! Go away. Leave my house, I never want to see you again!" I push him off me.
"But I never want to lose you Jess"
"Well maybe you should of thought about that because now you have, goodbye Michael"
It took me awhile to push him out the door.
What just happened? My emotions are running wild. I'm sad, angry, broken and hurt.
I sit on the kitchen floor sobbing. Even though he just confessed to cheating on me. I still feel love for him. Is there something wrong with me? Am I not good enough for drunk Michael? Am I not good enough for even sober Michael?
I felt a buzz in pocket to see Jan ringing me. I would feel awkward to be friends with her still so I just ignore the call.
Pushing people away is my forte.
Do I not deserve happiness? All what I have been through its hard for me to understand what happiness is.
Maybe I'm the problem, and not everyone else.
That's why he didn't call me or anything because he was sleeping with someone else. And she's pregnant? Like I wouldn't be able to handle a boyfriend with a child. Who does he think I am?
I try to stand up but my head started to get dizzy. Great I'm having an anxiety attack.
My hands started shaking. My heart rate is increasing and all I'm hearing is my own heart beat.
I try to calm myself but it's not working.
"Jess! Are you okay?" Connor walks in.
I shake my head.
"Here it's okay" he hugs me.
I could feel my breathing slow down.
"There we go, now what's happened?" He lets go and stares at me.
"Michael cheated-on me" I say between breaths.
"What a dick" he yells. "It's not worth the tears anyway, it wasn't really serious was it?"
I just look at him.
"You slept with him. Omg Jess" he grabs me a glass of water.
"I think it's best of you just went to sleep. We can talk more in the morning" he shakes his head.
Even though my relationship with Michael was none of his business I can tell he was mad at me for sleeping with him.
I get into bed. But tears are still coming out of my eyes. How am I meant to sleep when my thoughts are louder than the traffic outside?
I shouldn't of went back to him, I'm ruined just like before. I took my chances and now the changes to myself are not me.
